Whether you change your surname or not when you're getting married is completely up to you - some people like to keep their maiden name, some like to double barrel, and some are comfortable with ditching their old moniker and being known as their husband's surname from that point onwards.
But one woman was left dumbfounded after she and her partner decided to get married so the woman registered their newborn child with his surname, only to be left hanging when he kept fobbing her off about marriage from that point forward. She took to Mumsnet to explain the whole situation had been 'perfect', until it came down to pinning down any solid wedding plans.
She wrote: "My daughter has just turned three and has my partner's surname. On the night before she was born (by arranged C-section), my partner proposed and I thought things couldn't get any more perfect. Given that we were going to be married, I registered her birth and gave her (what I thought would be) our family name.
"We booked our wedding for Spring 2020 and my parents paid for all of the deposits, my dress etc. (My partner's parents are not on the scene). Of course with Covid, we thought postponing the wedding would be the most sensible thing to do and most suppliers agreed to transfer deposits over to a new date.
"I should say at this point that we have a generally good relationship, we are in the process of buying a new house and I am currently pregnant with our second child. The wedding/ family name issue has however become a major bone of contention and I am so so upset by it all.
"My partner now acts as though he doesn't want to marry me. I have tried so many times to sit down and have a sensible discussion with him about how important it is to me to have the same family name. Previously I avoided the issue to avoid rocking the boat, but it has become so upsetting for me I can't let it go.
"At any mention of the wedding or rearranging a date or family name, he immediately becomes visibly annoyed and comes up with excuse after excuse. He makes me feel like I'm the one in the wrong for bringing it up. I have reiterated time and time again that I don't care about a big wedding, all I care about is being a family with the same name, and have suggested just going to the registry office, but he is still evasive.
"I feel so ashamed that I don't seem to be worthy of being his wife and it's really embarrassing having to make excuses to everyone who asks when our new date will be. I feel ridden with guilt that my parents have spent all this money and he doesn't care. Any discussion at all about the issue results in him storming off. He repeatedly says 'we will get married...one day' but he's fobbing me off.
"After a further attempt tonight to have a discussion about what it means to me, I finally had enough (not sure if pregnancy hormones!) and said I want our daughter's name to be changed to double barrel to include my surname. He said 'do what you like.'
"I have the forms prepared and ready to go. I would never have registered her this way if I thought for a second he wouldn't see his proposal through. I'm so upset by this whole thing and really keen to get it resolved one way or another before the arrival of our second child. Am I being unreasonable?"
People were quick to point out that there was nothing wrong with her wishes as her partner had proposed to her, and if she wanted to she was well within her rights to get rid of his name, or double barrel it.
One wrote: "Double barrel or take his name off."
Another agreed: "If you want the same name, go for it you cant force him to do anything but you can be proactive yourself."
Someone else wrote: "I'd change it to yours if you can. He's told you to do what you like and sounds like he doesn't want to marry you."
One Mumsnetter suggested that it wasn't a great idea if her daughter was already aware of her own surname, commenting: "Does she know her own surname? At that age my first did and it wouldn’t have been fair on her but I’m sure with my second it wouldn’t have been a huge issue for her."
What would you do in this situation? Let us know in the comments below.
