'I've stayed in my sad, sexless marriage for my children, now it's time to change'

Dear Coleen

I haven’t had sex with my husband in 10 years. The relationship has been over for even longer, but we stayed together for our kids. I know, it’s such a cliche.

It’s been tough because we don’t even like each other any more. I’m still only in my early 40s, but I suppose I’d given up on ever having sex again or having another shot at a relationship.

Then a few weeks ago, I met a bloke at my work who pressed all my buttons. Nothing happened, but it was obvious that we both found each other very attractive.

I remembered how I’d felt years ago when I first met my husband and before the relationship went south. It was amazing to have those feelings and to have a man show an interest in me and to flirt.

We took each other’s numbers and have messaged each other a few times. He’s divorced and currently single.

I don’t know what to do. For some reason I feel really guilty, even though I haven’t done anything with this guy and my marriage has been over for more than a decade.

I feel like I’m at a crossroads. What should my next move be?

What would you tell this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section

Coleen says

Meeting this guy has made you realise what’s out there and what you want.

I think your next move needs to be sitting down with your husband and telling him exactly how you’re feeling.

The kids are older, you don’t want to be together, there’s no point to the relationship any more and it’s only a matter of time before one of you meets someone else.

It could be your husband is scared of having the conversation, too, but will agree with you.

The relationship reached a natural end a long time ago when you agreed to stay for the kids, and you’ve
stayed a long time for them. But you’re young and you both deserve to be happy.

You probably feel guilty because you want something to happen with this guy and you’re texting and flirting, so it feels like you’re cheating.

Also, the marriage might be over, but you’ve had a family and built a life together over many years.

If it works out with this other guy, then great. But don’t leave your husband for him. Do it because it’s the right decision for you.