Golf is a fascinating and unique game whose idiosyncrasies keep us coming back for more. Every 18-hole round is different, yet paradoxically some elements are exactly the same every time we step out onto the course. Whether you’re playing in a competition, putting in a General Play score for the World Handicap System or having a casual knock around with friends, you’ll face one of the scenarios below.
Can anything be certain in this game? No, but in my view, these situations are as close to guaranteed as it’s possible to get a golf course. Here are my 10 indisputable golfing truths...
1) If you hit the ball well on the range, you will hit the ball poorly in the early stages of your round. The most popular theory as to why is that you’ve ‘wasted’ your good shots and things are destined to go downhill from there, a good example of golfers’ pessimistic outlooks. Interestingly, hitting the ball badly on the range doesn’t mean you’ll hit it well on the course, but that can sometimes be the case.
2) You’ll be hitting some good shots, enjoying your company and having a nice time on the course. Then, all of a sudden, an unwanted thought will pop in: “Hang on, you’re playing really well here. This could be your best round ever.” Cue mental turmoil for the next few holes and a string of double-bogeys, which will only end when it’s no longer possible to shoot your lowest ever score.
3) Sometimes, we all struggle with strategy, club selection and making the right choices on the course. Often, this leads to the ‘f**t it’ approach, where we take on a shot we know doesn’t have a chance in hell of coming off. And it never does.
4) If you leave your ball in a bunker and then swing again without taking time to reset, the exact same thing will happen. You could do with reading our best bunker tips.
5) If you miss a five-footer and then spend the walk to the next tee talking about how much you hate short putts, you’re guaranteed to face a five-footer on the next green, even if you do everything in your power to avoid such a scenario.
6) Your provisional ball will always find the middle of the fairway.
7) If you’re playing well, never, ever vocalise that fact to players outside of your group. Or players within your group for that matter. On one occasion, I was having the round of my life and was one-over-par after 12 holes. The group in front let us through on the 13th tee and I told them how well I was playing. What happened next? Yep, you guessed it, two tee shots out of bounds.
8) I’m sure you’d been wondering when the halfway hut was going to appear. I actually don’t think stopping necessarily means bad things; in my mind, it depends what you order. If you get a flapjack or a cereal bar, you’ll probably be okay. However, if you’re battling with a sausage and egg bap – yolk running down your hand as you get to the 10th tee – your next shot can’t possibly be a good one.
9) Shooting your best ever score is a wonderful moment, but it’s offset to some degree by the realisation you won’t do it again for quite some time. Progress isn’t linear and once you dip below an 18 handicap, a new best round can only occur once a year at the absolute maximum. This rule doesn’t apply to high-handicappers or quick-learning beginners.
10) Sometimes you set up to the ball and everything feels natural. Other times, you know something isn’t right with your grip, posture or takeaway. But do you stop, step away and reset when that happens? Of course not. The result? Anything but a fairway finder or green in regulation. Even with decades of experience, this never changes.
