'I've just got married but I feel trapped and want to get back with my ex'

Dear Coleen,

I got married a few months ago and I’ve realised it was a terrible mistake.

I felt talked into it by my husband and then got carried along with the arrangements by friends and family.

We initially got together after I came out of a long-term relationship.

I really loved my ex and still do – that’s part of the problem – but we broke up after I had a miscarriage and the relationship struggled.

He wanted the baby and I didn’t, and I think he kind of blamed me for everything that happened, like I’d put some kind of curse on the pregnancy, even though he never said so.

However, we parted on good terms, remained friends, and still talk to each other occasionally.

The truth is I still want to be with my ex and I think he might feel the same.

The woman feels she has made a terrible mistake (file image) (Getty Images/iStockphoto)

I’m sure my husband knows this deep down, hence why he rushed into marriage.

He’s also paranoid about my social media and constantly asks if I’ve been in touch with my ex.

He’s a bit obsessed to be honest and I feel like I’m trapped. I can’t really see a way out of this mess and I feel really stupid.

Can you advise?

Coleen says...

There is a way out. What you say is, “I’m sorry, it’s my fault, but it’s not working.

"I jumped into marriage when I wasn’t sure and should have taken time out to consider it properly”. That’s all you can do.

You can’t stay with someone because of guilt.

Coleen says the woman cannot stay in the marriage because of guilt (Getty Images/age fotostock RM)

He will be hurt and angry, and others will be sad and disappointed, but you just have to accept that and work through it.

You know in your heart that the marriage is wrong.

You can’t worry about being judged by other people – they don’t have to live your life.

You made a mistake and what you have to focus on now is how you build back from it. Own it – say, “Yes, I made a mistake”.

However, don’t leave the marriage expecting to fall back into another relationship with your ex. It might happen, it might not.

If it does, you would have a lot of work to do to sort out the issues that broke you up.

And if it doesn’t happen, it’d be good for you to take the time to get to know yourself and what you want before rushing into anything else.