I have been seeing someone for the past 12 months whom I love very much. Parts of our relationship are incredible: we make each other laugh, have similar views on important issues, but we also challenge each other in a good way. He got divorced 10 years ago, and has a 16-year-old son. I have never met the son, nor any of my partner’s friends.
He is speaking to a counsellor as he is getting over his feeling of guilt for having an affair and walking out of a loveless marriage. His relationship with his ex is good and his son very strong; he sees him at least twice a week. The issue is that I don’t feel validated, I have asked about meeting his son, and some of his friends/family, and he says I will in time. I feel as if I am having an affair, but the other person is his son. I am not jealous, I just want to be in his life properly. I also recently discovered texts from another woman on his phone. He says she’s an old ex, but she has texted twice since. He denies anything has happened, but I don’t trust that he is telling the truth. We have a 10-year age gap. I don’t know whether things will change and if I should give it more time.
• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.
• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.
• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).