Linda Lusardi and Sam Fox used to look down on me from my bedroom wall, where they took pride of place in some strange pre-pubescent hiatus between Man City and Morrissey posters. As a 10-year-old, I used to smuggle them back home from the Altrincham branch of WH Smith by concealing a copy of the Sun inside the Manchester Evening News. In the pre-internet days, a young, almost-hormonal man had to be innovative in his quest for a nipple.
To my parents' relief, I soon drifted apart from Linda and Sam, and I've barely given Page 3 a thought since, tending to assume campaigners seeking to ban the boob were killjoys who didn't grasp the seaside sauciness of our national character. But leafing through the Sun the other day, I was struck by how odd it was to have a pair of breasts staring back at me from a newspaper – and felt the need to studiously overcompensate my interest in the sport pages. As lovely as Staci (24, from Preston) looked, I resolved that Page 3 has had its day.
The long-standing arguments about female objectification are, I'm sure, perfectly valid. But what resonated with me was what Page 3 says about men. Sure, we are visual creatures; and I love getting a sext as much as the next man. But having a daily pair of breasts at the front of Britain's biggest-selling newspaper just sends the message that we're simple – that we're more likely to part with our 40p for a smidgen of areola. It's the same over-egged exploitation of our baser instincts that makes strip clubs so depressing. It may be cheaper than a lapdance, but isn't Page 3 just another form of manipulation?
The "exploitation" of daft male tendencies is hardly the greatest peril facing society – but it's part of a wider trend, especially in advertising, to portray men as fools who are barely able to use oven cleaner or are liable to come back from shopping expeditions with a puppy instead of a pint of milk (happens all the time – it's like 101 Dalmatians in my kitchen). Gracefully retiring Page 3 to its rightful bin of outdated 80s naffness would be a decent step towards giving men a bit more credit – recognising that we are emotionally nuanced characters who can't (always) be bought off with a boob.
Tim Samuels (@TimDSamuels) is the presenter of Men's Hour on BBC Radio 5 Live.
