If the saddest phrase is “what might have been”, the second saddest is “I told you so”. Accompanied by much finger-wagging and expressions of disapproval, they hit you when you are down. There you are, kicking yourself and cursing your luck, when the person whose carefully curated words of advice you had ignored turns up to rub salt into your wounds for not doing as you were told.
I for one have been sceptical about advisers ever since I heard what happened when Eve followed the serpent’s counsel. What a heavy price we’ve all been paying for an apple! Since then, advisers have gone forth, multiplied and expanded their scope of services. For instance, I run into a volley of unsolicited advice whenever I face any of life’s large, small or medium dilemmas. The powers-that-be also step in to guide me on dress, diction, destiny, and why dhokla makes a better snack than dahi-wada.
Don’t get me wrong. By and large, advisers are nice people — well-meaning and upstanding. But they are proud of their wellspring of wisdom, and tend to rate it much higher than the market. So when you flout their counsel, you are not merely disagreeing with them but nuking their ambitions to be seen as philosopher and guide. Hell knows no fury like a woman scorned but an adviser unheeded would run her close.
As things stand, advice is easier to give than receive. Do a head count, and you will find there are exceedingly more advisers than the “advised”. Many among us follow the excellent example of Oscar Wilde who said, “The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.” It would certainly be more useful if actions spoke as loud as words — but they rarely do. Say, you approach the friendly neighbourhood counsellor for money. He will talk to you at length about the need for financial planning and remind you that if you had taken up the SIP he had recommended months ago, you wouldn’t have got into this hole. Excellent advice, but you are not going to get so much as a rupee.
You don’t need much skill or experience to advise others. Every workplace has disgruntled souls who claim they can do a far better job than the management. As for cricket, we have a billion experts freely providing expertise to captain, batter, bowler and twelfth man. Back at home, no family is complete without a grey eminence guiding you on the career path you should opt for and the spouse you should select.
The big question then is whether to strike out on your own or follow directions and go through life the way good motorists follow GPS. But if you follow your heart and things go wrong, you forfeit the chance to blame someone else.
In the liberating words of Pablo Neruda, “You begin dying slowly…if you do not go after a dream, if you do not allow yourself at least once in your lifetime to run away from sensible advice.”
jairam.menon@gmail.com
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