It’s July 2000. I am in hospital in an isolation ward surrounded by nurses wearing face masks and white aprons. No one can visit me, not even my children. It’s pretty scary for them and for me.
I really did think in that moment that I was going to die. Not of the breast cancer that had been diagnosed a few months earlier but of an accidentally dispensed chemotherapy overdose.
In that hospital room I had a sudden and powerful realisation that something had to change. My life was crazily out of balance. I determined that day that I wanted to live to see my grandchildren and that if that were to be the case I needed to completely change my definition of success.
What I didn’t understand then, and that I do now, is that when our definition of success is linked to working harder (and overworking as a result) and believing that hard work is the route to high performance and exceptional results, we have a flawed definition of success.
Success is not about striving and surviving. It’s about thriving.
In 1999 I was the overworked owner of a market research business, earning £100,000 a year, torn between motherhood and my career. There was less awareness back then about the impact of working long hours.
We had a live-in nanny who did everything with the children and I felt an outsider in their lives. I didn’t know any of the other parents at their schools. It was probably part of trying to be a perfect mum as well as successful in business.
I believed I could make anything happen if I put my mind to it and put enough effort in. I put work above everything else and consistently worked ridiculously long hours. I thought I was invincible and so I ignored my body when it told me I needed a break or some sleep or when it was ill, and forced myself to continue until finally I burned out.
Back then I’d say yes to everything so that I was always overloaded and overwhelmed and as a result highly stressed. I was a negative thinker – afraid of failing and afraid that there wasn’t enough success to go round.
Following my recovery from cancer, I set up a leadership coaching business. As part of re-training for this new business I received coaching and also had a mentor. I received help for dealing with stress – taking up meditation and learning breathing exercises to help me stay calm and avoid going into stress response.
The most important change, though, was a shift in my definition of what success looks like. I did a lot of personal development work to become clear on what really matters to me and what my purpose in life is. All of this helped me decide how I wanted to live my life and where work fitted into that.
Now I believe that if I have to try too hard to make things happen the chances are there is a more appropriate way that I have missed; that the business depends on me and therefore the most important thing is to take care of myself.
I have three pillars that support my well being – eating healthy food, meditation and physical fitness. I listen to my body and as far as possible give it what it needs. I have aligned my work with my passion and purpose so that I enjoy what I am doing and feel energised by it.
Now I manage my time more effectively and say no to things that aren’t possible. Breathing exercises have helped me to manage stress more effectively, ensuring I stay present, centred and grounded and can make the right choices.
I have become a positive thinker and nurture my confidence by appreciating what went well rather than what could be better. I now realise there is more than enough success to go round.
My advice to other entrepreneurs would be become clear about the vital few priorities that help you achieve your objectives, where you can add most value and focus on every day. Analyse how you spend your time and delegate things that someone else could do. Manage distractions – email, interruptions, notifications. Plan time in your diary for thinking, preparation, recovery, exercise, and treat these as just as important as meetings.
My definition of success is “triple H” which stands for being happy, healthy and (sustainably) high-performing in all areas of my life rather than just at work. It sets off a ripple effect so not only do you thrive, but everyone around you starts to thrive too.
Sue Coyne is author of Stop Doing, Start Leading – How to Shift From Doing The Work Yourself To Becoming A Great Leader
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