I am a 60-year-old woman and recently had to undergo a total hysterectomy. My surgeon told me that he sewed up my vagina and attached it to my abdominal muscles. I imagine my vagina is shorter than it used to be, which may prove disappointing for a man, though I am still able to experience orgasms through stimulation of the clitoris.
If you are experiencing clitorally based orgasms, you are already having post-operative, orgasmic sex! Most women – with or without a uterus – find that their strongest sexual sensations emanate directly from clitoral stimulation, so you must start asking your partner to provide exactly what you need. I know you want to please him, too, but how do you know your vagina will be disappointing? This is probably an incorrect assumption. If not, there are many other ways to satisfy him.
Talk to your partner, share information about sensation and new preferences, and ask him to join you in experimenting with different styles of lovemaking. Be adventurous. Couples who, as a result of injury, illness, trauma or major surgery, are forced to re-evaluate their sexual styles together often find themselves having the best sex of their lives because they are forced to properly communicate about their feelings and sensations, and truly learn about each other’s bodies.
Try to reframe your changed circumstances as an exciting erotic opportunity.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).
