Dear Coleen , I’m a man in my 30s and I’m married with one child. I’ve been with my wife for 12 years and love her and my son very much. However, I think I’m falling in love with someone else and it’s causing me sleepless nights.
She’s someone I met through a project at work and every time I see her, I’m insanely attracted to her.
It’s not just physical, although that’s a big part of it, but we get along so easily and can laugh together.
It reminds me a lot of how I felt when I met my wife and started to get to know her.
This has been a shock because I thought there was no one else for me except my wife and I’ve never doubted our relationship before.
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I’ve never met anyone else who compares to her until now. And I know how lucky I am to have her – she’s gorgeous inside and out and my friends were envious of our relationship.
So why am I thinking about this other woman all the time? I’m confused about what I should do – should I take these feelings seriously and do something about it, or just ignore them?
I’d love any advice.
Coleen says
I think what you’re experiencing is a huge crush or an infatuation – a really strong physical and emotional attraction.
But you need to be very careful about mistaking it for love.
It’s normal to be attracted to other people, even when you’re in a relationship, but it doesn’t mean you should trash your marriage.
I think if you take a step back from this woman – so no contact or friendly banter outside of a work situation – and turn your attention to your wife, these feelings you have for your colleague will fade.
You’ve built a life with your lovely wife and you have a child – why would you put this at risk for an office romance that will probably go nowhere?
Keep reminding yourself of how lucky you are and what you’ve got to lose.
Really imagine telling your wife you’re leaving her for this woman at work and keep giving yourself these doses of reality.
And if you feel in a bit of a relationship rut and are missing romance and passion, then do something about it.
Start showing your wife how much you love and fancy her, and reignite some of the excitement.
