If you’ve ever found yourself anxiously eyeing your birthday on the calendar — whether it’s the creeping sense of mortality, or that special, once-a-year existential crisis — let me offer a radical solution: spend your birthday alone.
Hear me out. Yes, it sounds a bit tragic, like maybe I never learned how to talk to people without breaking into an awkward laugh. (Not a proven fact, but the jury’s out.) But I’ve spent every birthday alone since the age of 22 and I can assure you there’s a method to my madness.
I genuinely love birthdays. I will go out of my way to turn an ordinary backyard into a Balinese spa for my cousin, or hunt down a partner’s great-grandmother’s secret chocolate cake recipe for their big day. I don’t say this to brag — I truly love making people feel special.
But here’s my downfall: loving birthdays this much completely nukes my expectations for my own. And never telling anyone what those expectations are doesn’t help my situation.
So, after a couple of years of secret scorekeeping and inevitable let-downs (sorry, friends and family, I own this), I did what any sensible, over-thinking person does: I opted out.
I stole the playbook directly from Jessica Day in New Girl: a movie day for one, strictly no guests is safer for everyone involved. But, like our queen of qUiRkInEsS, eventually I realised a full fortress isn’t much of a birthday either.
In fact, what started as a safety mechanism, quickly became one of my most treasured rituals.
BUT, there are rules so your existential crisis isn’t about you being alone.
Here’s how to spend a birthday by yourself
1. See the sun and get TF outside
As someone who could not think of anything better than a deluxe bed rot day, it is painfully hard not to spend my “big day” horizontal. But after some trial and error, I learned that was the worst possible choice for a girl who has an existential crisis every year. Sunlight actually helps! A walk to the coffee shop, face in the sun — suddenly, my whole mopey outlook feels less heavy.
2. Allow yourself your birthday cry (don’t fight it)
Birthdays can be overwhelming — getting older, thinking about your wasted potential, figuring out what type of cake you want — every year, there is a guaranteed teary moment. You must not hold back on the birthday cry. Science literally says crying actually helps regulate emotions, so you could say I’m a woman in STEM.
Plus, this is a time-honoured tradition for girlies in their twenties, and who am I to argue with tradition?
However, you can’t let the birthday cry hold you back. This is where the first step comes in handy — stepping out and seeing the sun helps because it makes the cry end at some point as you venture out in public.
3. Treat yourself!
I budget for my birthday. This means: get the flavoured syrup in your coffee, finally book that self-care appointment, eat your favourite foods, try the $12 croissant you usually avoid. The day is 100 per cent for treating myself and the best part is that you won’t be dissapointed with what you do because you get to choose it all by yourself! You won’t get stuck washing your boyfriend’s car because you once said you love a clean car. YES THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, YES I DATE WOMEN NOW.
4. Schedule something in
Speaking of treating yourself, schedule something in! It can be a facial, a pottery class you’ve been putting off, a cinema ticket. Extra points if you attach money to it. I find the easiest way to force yourself out of the house is the fear of a cancellation fee. This is behavioural economics at its finest, and it helps with not getting stuck in a bed rot or cry.
5. Get all of the free stuff
My dream day still sometimes outpaces my bank balance, especially in this economy. But, the good news is you can get a heap of freebies on your birthday. Boost Juice, Grill’d, your local café — this country is built on free birthday drinks and desserts for those who dare to click “sign up”. And if anyone asks why you’re alone, just say you love “me-time”. They’ll feel sorry for you and probably throw in a birthday candle. Also a true story.
6. Write your feelings down
My one annual non-negotiable: write a letter to myself and make a gratitude list. The number of items matches my age — so 26 things I’m grateful for at 26-years-old.
I keep the letter to read it next year, reflecting on who I was and who I want to be. It bends towards cringe, but I secretly love it. It’s one of the few things that gives my birthdays meaning.
7. Don’t worry, I still have friends
To my besties reading this, don’t worry I still love you and I still LOVE a party. After all, I’m anti-disaster, not anti-human. The key is one social interaction during the day. Sometimes it’s breakfast with my family if I’m home. More often, it’s dinner out with a small group of close friends — the people who actually want to show up, not just those who replied with a thumbs-up in the group chat. Sometimes it’s two friends, sometimes five, sometimes just whoever is around that year. There’s no pressure for anyone to play event planner of the century, myself included.
Plus, I usually have a bigger gathering the weekend before my birthday, where I can still be my true attention-seeker self and force people into an obscure theme. It’s about tradition!!
So, yes — what started as a self-preservation hack is now my favourite ritual. It’s the one day that’s truly about what makes me feel good.
No more silent scorekeeping or nervy group texts. No more measuring my happiness in other people’s energy or elaborate plans.
If you need permission to do the same, consider this it!
Lead image: Bridget Jones’ Diary / Supplied
The post I Spend Every Birthday By Myself & Here’s Why I Think You Should Too appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .
