Dear Coleen
My 15-year-old son went to school recently and left his phone at home. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but despite myself I had a look through it.
He’s always on it and I guess I just wanted to see what sort of thing he was looking at and to check he was OK. I was shocked to discover he looks at porn sites most days.
He’d be so embarrassed if he knew I knew this. He’s a sweet lad, but I do worry about the effect it’s having on him, especially when you read all the things about young people and porn and the effect it has on their view of sex.
I’m a single mum so I’m the one who has to tackle this.
What do you think I should do? He’d kill me if he knew I’d looked through his phone.
Coleen says
Maybe you can’t admit you’ve looked at his phone but there’s no reason why you can’t have a discussion with him about porn.
I know it’s embarrassing, but just find a good time to chat when it’s quiet and there’s nobody around, and ask him whether he’s started looking at it or not.
You could say: “You know I was reading this thing in the news today about young people and porn and I just wondered whether you and your mates look at it? And make sure you listen to his views.
Try to open up a conversation about sex and women, and about consent and respect and what’s going on in schools.
It’s in the news at the moment, which is a good way into the conversation. Try to keep things light, stop if he gets too embarrassed, listen to him and have a joke with him.
You could say: “Listen, there’s nothing more mortifying than your mother talking to you about this. I get it. But I wouldn’t be a good mother if I wasn’t having this conversation.”
