'I put myself before my child - if my needs aren't getting met nobody is having a good time'

By Emma Rosemurgey

A mother has sparked a debate after confessing that she puts the needs of herself before those of her children.

Her comments have divided viewers of her video which was shared to the social media platform TikTok.

Raya Michelle, @iamrayamichell on the app, said: "This might be a hot take and I am ready to fight about it because I'm right," the mum-of-one announced in the clip, TheMirror reports.

Read more: Mum says her daughter was given detention for refusing to wear blazer in 29°C heat

"The order in which my care gets dispersed inside our home, with the people in our home, goes: Me, myself, my partner, my child."

She continued: "'But Raya, that feels backwards, shouldn't you?!' No, because if my needs aren't getting met and I'm not feeling cared for, nobody on this list below me is having a good time."

Raya went on to say that the same rule applies to her partner, Justin, explaining that if he "doesn't feel cared for, nobody is going to have a good time above or below him."

Watch the video here:

The reason for this, the mum explained, is because her needs won't be met, if her partner's aren't met, and therefore neither of them are able to fulfil their daughter's needs while their own requirements aren't being met.

"I don't feel like it's that hard but people keep saying things like 'my child is the only thing that gives meaning to me life,' then you need to reassess your life," she concluded.

While some agreed that Raya's explanation was just a roundabout way of saying she does still put her daughter's needs first, others were slightly less understanding - with one commenter even going as far as branding her a sociopath.

"This still means you're putting your first?" one person wrote, while another disagreed: "But, wait. So if your baby is awake and wants a feed and you want to sleep and your partner wants to sleep then the baby doesn't get fed?"

"Yeah, no. You're a sociopath," a third added. "You're the adult, it doesn't matter how you're feeling because your kids needs come first, always."

In a follow up clip, Raya went on to confirm what she meant by 'needs,' adding that it goes beyond what people regard as basic needs, as in food, water, sleep and bathing.

"I'm including emotional needs, I'm including therapy - especially if you can afford it, I am including FaceTime dates with my best friend who lives out of state, I am including time to do my hobbies," she explained.

"You cannot fulfil someone else's needs if your needs aren't met."

Which side are you on? Share your opinion in the comments below.


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