Some people have always known they wanted to be parents one day, while others never want kids.
And then there are those who unexpectedly start a family, without even meaning to, but would never change things for the world.
For as long as she could remember, Sarah Fields didn't want to be a mother.
She recalls feeling "confused" as a child, when her friends would discuss their future children how she couldn't understand why young girls dreamt about this.
Instead of being a mum, she wanted to be a wife.
"A wife who was loved by her spouse, a wife that traveled, one who threw extravagant holiday parties, and maybe the kind of wife that volunteered within the local community, and a wife that had the best snacks for game night," she told Love What Matters.
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"My mother asked me once when I was 17 why I didn’t want children. My response? ‘I don’t have the desire. I cannot imagine a world where I am responsible for another person. I cannot describe a scenario where I would willingly give up my autonomy to be everything for a child.’
"Her rebuttal? ‘You will change your mind one day.’ And as mothers normally are, she was right."
In 2016, Sarah from Tennessee met her wife Heather and they did all she had dreamed of - travelled the world, hosted gatherings, made a home.
But in early 2019, Sarah started to feel an overwhelming pull and she realised she wanted to be a foster carer.
"I would stay awake at night while Heather was sleeping and look at foster teens’ profiles on adoption sites. I would watch hours and hours of videos of kids desperately searching for families who would love them without limits.
"In April of 2019, we took the leap. After a few phone calls, we were on the roster for foster parent training.
"Loads of paperwork and a couple of months later, we were officially certified. We would quickly become a short-term respite home for a multitude of teen boys. Age 13 to 17 was my comfort zone. No mess, no fuss, easy to communicate, and fairly self-sufficient. It was my perfect scenario."
However, one night the couple received a phone call after midnight that sent "chills" running down Sarah's spine.
The woman on the other end of the phone said: "Hi, I’m from placement. I am looking for a permanent placement for two brothers 17 months and three. They’re really scared. I know you guys only do older kids but I’m trying to find something in the next few days. You have time if you want to think about it!’"
Sarah tells how a million thoughts raced through her mind, but she agreed to take the boys in before she'd finished thinking it through.
Three days later the boys arrived at her house and Sarah knew they would change everything in her life.
She said: "I walked to the passenger side of a dark-coloured SUV where a sleeping 17-month-old was strapped into a car seat. I opened the door and his big brown eyes opened and he looked at me, confused and scared, and he started to cry. I had never seen brown eyes that big before. He was dressed in a yellow and navy short-sleeved shirt and black shorts. His feet were bare and his toenails were broken on every single toe. His nose was red from a cold he was fighting off. He had a scratch below his left eye. He was petrified of me.
"I unbuckled his car seat and took him into my arms. He smelled like smoke and a hospital if you could’ve wrapped those two things in a blanket. He hugged me around the neck so tight it made me cough and he screamed and screamed and screamed. I wasn’t sure if it was ever going to stop.
"His three-year-old brother had also begun to cry and at that moment, I realized I hadn’t even made eye contact with him yet. I circled the dark SUV with my arms full of Baby Brother and opened the door. He looked up at me with tears in his big blue eyes and he said, ‘Mama?’ His front teeth were missing. His blonde hair was stained yellow. His fingernails were long and he had been digging them into his palms to make half-moon shapes in his skin. I smiled and it felt like I was looking into the face of someone I had always known."
As soon as they were all inside her house, it struck her: "I knew these were my sons."
"It was such an immense feeling. It was as if being their mom was like flipping a light switch. I had been fostering for months. Half a dozen kids had filled my home and yet, something about this was different.
"It wasn’t the age or the circumstance. It can only be described as a moment designed by something greater than me. It was like I had crossed a threshold. Everything up until that moment had prepared me for everything that was to come."
The family have been together ever since and in February 2020 Sarah and Heather began the process to officially adopt the two boys.
But their journey was tough, with the two kids having been through a great trauma before arriving at their home and as such there was lots of screaming and crying after they arrived.
Despite this, Sarah wouldn't change a thing, as it's all been worth it.
She adds: "Our sons are just kids who, like all other children wrapped up in foster care, have been dealt incredibly unmanageable circumstances, and how lucky are we to be entrusted with them? At the end of all of my days, it is worth it. They are worth it."
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