Paul Merson's well-documented struggles with gambling and alcohol could stem from anxiety as a child, the footballer reveals in new BBC documentary, Paul Merson - A Walk Through My Life. In the hour-long-film, Paul talks candidly about the battles he has faced throughout the course of his life and how they were inadvertently affected by his childhood. Armed with a selfie stick and 360 degree camera, Paul walks through North Yorkshire, reflecting on life, career and faith.
"I was a very nervous kid", said Paul, 54, as he recounts memories of his childhood. He explains that when he was younger, his mother took him to the doctors as he used to get heart palpitations. Doctors warned the former footballer away from the sport as they thought that it triggered his anxiety. You need look no further than the history books to see that Paul avoided the advice and had a successful career in football.
In the film, Paul talks about how he used gambling as a form of escapism for his football anxieties. “I never bet to earn loads of money, it was just the way it felt”, he said, justifying his erratic decisions.
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In 2008, Paul was ranked the 26th greatest Arsenal player of all-time in a fan poll published by the club's official website. Following his time at Arsenal, he went on to sign with Middlesbrough, Aston Villa and Portsmouth. He then had a career in football management at Walsall FC.
Having made headlines for his troubled past, after 35 years of alcohol abuse, Paul now hasn’t had a drink in three years, or gambled in 13 months. The former footballer previously opened up about how substance abuse and gambling have affected his life in the ITV documentary, Harry's Heroes: The Full English.
Sky Sports pundit Paul starts his walk down memory lane above Lastingham in the North York moors. He then heads west on Spaunton moor and Hutton le Hole - a quirky Yorkshire village with a rich heritage.
Throughout the film, Paul talks about how he lost his self-worth and hated himself following his battles with addiction. “I’d go and have a drink and a bet because it takes me out of the way I feel”. He describes a significant "loss of time" that he is unable to get back during that period. Talking about gambling's effect on him, he says: "It's not the money you lose, it's time."
Paul describes that he does get "down days" despite his sobriety. Paul has previously gone on record to say that during his time at Arsenal, he wanted to kill himself. In the new BBC film, he stresses that despite negative spells, he believes that "you're not alone" and there is always support available for those who need it.
Paul Merson - A Walk Through My Life airs on BBC Two at 8pm on Thursday, May 5
