Children have a very unique view of the world and how things work. Actions don’t seem to have real consequences (until they do), movies represent real life and sometimes it’s perfectly possible to get by with a fragmented understanding of reality. Often enough, this leads to the sort of behavior that one remembers at night as an adult.
So to illustrate some examples of this, we’ve gathered stories from folks sharing the most embarrassing things they did as children. Get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your own experiences in the comments section down below.
#1
When I was in 3rd grade the teacher would let us leave the class for lunch early by playing a little game. Such as if you name starts with "C" you may go 5 mins early and so on. This one day the teacher decided that it would be fun to say if you have any blue clothes on you may go, about 5 kids got up showed the teacher and off to lunch they went. Next was yellow 4 more kids, Red was next I was so excited because I had some red on so I get up and start to walk out but the teacher said "Mr Hatter I don't see any red on you" so I pulled down my pants and showed her the reddest of red jocks you have ever seen.
Later that evening my Mum got a call from the school asking if she could go in a discuss my actions.
I still have not lived it down. I am now 28 and my Dad brings this story up at least 3 times a year.
**TL;DR Flashed teacher**.
Image credits: xmadhatterx
#2
In third grade we would have reading time everyday after lunch. The teacher would read one of her favorite books to us chapter by chapter. it was nice. Anyway I was known for being a stinky chubby kid already but this particular day I outdid myself. Halfway through our teacher excitedly reading BFG, I let out the rankiest fart. Everyone heard it, everyone definitely smelled it.
As if God himself could add more insult, a small earthquake shook the room right as I stopped farted. Our teacher made everyone go outside NOT BECAUSE OF THE EARTHQUAKE (it was only a tiny one) but because my fart smelled so bad that the teacher thought the classroom was uninhabitable whilst the fart smell lingered. I then started to cry because everyone was mad at me for ruining THE BFG forever and just making it stink so bad. My 3rd grade class can confirm this, wherever there are now. They still remind me of this story. I am known as the kid whose fart shook the whole world.
TL:DR in third grade, I farted, real earthquake suddenly happened, classroom evacuated because it smelled so bad. I cried.
lilwheezyf:
I can confirm this story to be true lol. I was [in that class], the best coincidence I have ever experienced in my entire life.
Image credits: bangschwang
#3
When I was about five I had a pet hamster, Cubby. I wanted to give him a bath so I filled up the sink. Thankfully my mom stopped me before I threw him in there. Then I went outside and turned on the hose to give him a shower. My mother also saved poor Cubby from that fate. A few hours later she walked in my room and I was sitting on the bed holding a dripping wet Cubby. She asked what happened and I replied, "I gave him a bath like a Mama hamster would." I licked [him] down from head to toe. Obviously pictures were taken. I don't know how I was able to produce that much saliva. I'm 19 now and to this day anytime a squirrel runs by or a pet needs a bath my family will yell, "Go get Grace! She'll take care of it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" --__--
Image credits: redheadglazic
#4
An older friend of my brothers somehow convinced me that guys had their periods. So, of course, I had to prove it to everyone else that I was getting mine, to fit in. I wore maxi pads for a month, waiting to bleed. I was getting upset, it never bled. So, one day I took a used, bloody pad out of the trash and slipped it in my underwear. That day at school I wanted to make it obvious that I was mature enough to have my period so I changed it in front of a few friends and made the bloody pad quite visible. The look of terror on their faces told me something was not right about this.
I began to explain to them that I was just having my period when one of my friends shouted "he's wearing a tampon" (shows how smart he was, it was a pad) and laughter erupted outside in the hallway. That was when they had to break it to me that guys do not have their periods, and I was an idiot. I stayed home sick for 3 days after that, only to come back to it, still fresh in everyone's minds. I still get [shamed] for this 12 yrs later and rightfully so I guess.
Image credits: Dontreadimlying
#5
I was helping my Grama put up a cross on her wall. When she asked me to pass it to her, I grabbed it and immediately screamed "OH GOD IT BURNS!!" and threw it onto her bed. She literally almost had a heart attack. I started rofl'ing, but she immediately called my mother (while holding her chest and gasping for air) and yelled at her "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER JUST DID?!" Through tears of laughter, my mom later told me I was grounded from the computer until further notice. Worth it.
#6
When I was 4, to the first black kid I met (who eventually became my best friend) I asked, "How did you get burned? You look like a burned hot dog." Completely innocent. He shrugged and then we just became friends. It was only embarrassing when he asked his parents (in front of me) how he got burned. Damn.
Image credits: Ozzbat27
#7
When I was in kindergarten, I told my teacher to pull my finger. I am female, so was she and she was also very "proper and unforgiving" which my mother hated. So.. I farted, because she didn't know that's what happened. When my mom got the call she had to hold back laughter. Now whenever stories are being told (including in front of new, potential mates) I get to hear how I farted on my kindergarten teacher.
Image credits: sunshinesurr
#8
When I was seven I was staying at my grandma's house. She was cooking dinner and I wandered off into the bathroom where I found a pair of scissors. I proceeded to give my self a haircut. I was awful. For the next two weeks my parents made me walk around with said awful haircut as a punishment.
TL;DR My parents made me walk around for two weeks with an atrocious haircut I gave myself.
riotous_jocundity:
I did this pretty much every year between the ages of 6-9. My mom would be innocently going about her day and then freeze in panic when she realized how quiet it was in the house. She'd inevitably find me in a closet with our cat, both of us sporting cutting edge asymmetrical haircuts. Apparently it always happened a few days before picture day. My grandparents live in another country, so for several years they had serious concerns about my mother's ability to take care of us.
Image credits: jBudds
#9
When I was a little kid I was at a Durham Bulls baseball game (who were then the minor league team for the Atlanta Braves), and they had given all kids a free helmet - you know, one of those plastic helmets with the brown plastic snappy framing inside you get at the gas station for 99 cents?
Anyway I was walking around with my brother when Chipper Freaking Jones walks right up to me and says "hey buddy, that's a pretty cool helmet. Wanna trade it for this autographed bat?"
I reply "no thanks, my dad might get mad if I give away my helmet."
Chipper looks at me like I'm an idiot and gives the bat to some other kid standing nearby.
Image credits: anon
#10
I stole a kitten from a neighbor's yard and thought that just in case the neighbor saw me do it, I would simply chop off my bangs. My mom was pissed at my horrible haircut and I had to return the kitten..
Image credits: farorie
#11
Ugh. In third grade I was painfully dorky and I would always sit and read by myself before the bell rang. The other kids made fun of me for reading, so...my solution? I made cat noises at them. Like hissed and stuff. Yep. That's what 8-year-old me came up with. It did not do wonders for my popularity.
beefwich:
We had one of you in my school. Ours was a kid named Jeff. One morning I went to the library to check out a drawing book and asked him (politely) to scoot his chair in so I could get by. And he hissed at me and arched his back like a cat.
Image credits: wigglybutt
#12
So I guess one day my mother decided to teach me the proper anatomical terms for genitalia, much to the reluctance of my father. So, the very next day, my father drops me off at preschool. According to him, I bolted from his arms, and raced straight up to the pastor. Upon catching the pastor's attention, I look him straight in the eye and proclaim for all to hear, **"GIRLS HAVE CHINAS, BUT BOYS HAVE PENIES."** My father is a man of few words, and the mental image of him silently trudging up to me and dragging me off, nary a word said to the sea of uptight churchgoers, always makes me laugh.
**TL;DR Told the pastor that girls have chinas, but boys have penies.**
taco taco.
Image credits: HenniferHlopez
#13
*sigh*
Superglued my own eyes shut. Was mimicking my mom putting on eyeliner with whatever was around.
Image credits: eleyeveyein
#14
Apparently I was so distracted as a child that my parents tried writing our home address on the backs of my shoes in case I got lost. Then one day I came back from school barefoot. At some point during that day I had managed to lose my shoes.
Both of my older siblings never let me forget this story.
Image credits: royalscowlness
#15
This is my brother's story that we won't let him forget...
When he was 8 he was a chubby youngster that really loved Chef Boyardee's canned pasta.
One day he put some canned pasta in the microwave in a glass bowl and waited the allotted 2 minutes or so, and then eagerly reached in and grabbed the bowl. It was, as you might imagine, heated to near melting by the molten lava of pasta sauce. My brother immediately dropped the bowl, which shattered all over the floor.
Glass and pasta and meaty red sauce everywhere.
My mom runs over and starts yelling, "Oh how could you! What were you thinking!" You know, upset mother things.
My brother just looks at her... and then bursts into tears. Sobbing.
My mom then feels terrible. Starts consoling him, "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell at you" You know, apologetic mother things.
Then, my brother, through is sniffles and throaty lingering sobs, looks at her and says "It's not that! That was the last can of pasta!".
Image credits: cranberry94
#16
When I was around 10 years old.
We just finished Physical Ed, and it was time to shower. One of my friends finished showering and got changed quickly.
Whilst I was trying to putting some clothes on after my shower, he slapped me with the force of a thousand bulls with a wet towel.
I was extremely pissed off and chased him through the locker rooms and into the auditorium, full of students.
I was so pissed off and focused in chasing him, that I forgot I didn't have any clothes on.
Image credits: y_u_take_my_username
#17
My father didn't like one of my mother's friends and called him trash names that I didn't understand. Then one day that friend got a sunburn and I said, "Look mom, he really does have a red neck!" She was mortified.
Image credits: ithinkimightbegay
#18
To start, I admire my mom immensely.
She had some coworkers over for dinner once, including a superior, and it was a great opportunity to get to know everyone.
Now, my mom, the ultimate multitasker, was busy cleaning and assigning "chores" to anyone in the house who wasn't a toddler (so, everyone except 2 year-old me). All my 6 year-old sister had to do was clean her room, and all my dad had to do was make sure I had a bath before company came over.
All the while, my mom made dinner, cleaned the kitchen, dining room, and living room.
My dad was off to a great start; he drew a bath, made sure I was clean, and emptied the water so I wouldn't Darwin-award myself.
He decided, however, to leave me in the bathroom while he grabbed me a change of clothes. Bad move, Dad.
I work quickly. Not having clothes, 2 year-old me realized that would be inappropriate for a business dinner for my mother. I also realized that this was my chance to impress my parents with my mature-beyond-my-years ability to dress myself and look dapper. One problem: if I wanted this to truly be a surprise, I couldn't run to my room, lest my father discover my plan.
I scoured the bathroom and nearby closet for any clothes. Then I found the perfect outfit. Now, before you find out what it is, remember—this was the early 90s. Times were different.
After I dressed myself, I slicked back my hair and ran to go greet my mother and her guests ("what a charming and put-together son you have!" They'd say).
Their looks of surprise were validation enough. I screamed excitedly "Mommy!" and showed off my unitard that was made of a discarded grocery bag—the two straps were shoulder straps and at the bottom of the bag I'd made two holes for my legs.
I was beautiful.
The rest, as they say, is history. My mother got to explain that she did, indeed, actually buy me real-boy clothes that didn't show off my toddler bits. My father got out of bathing-me duty forever, and, as sort of an anti-climactic cherry on top, my sister's room was as clean as a 6 year-old could make it.
TL;DR: I made myself a see-through grocery bag unitard and introduced my body to my mom's coworkers.
Image credits: Writerblock17
#19
In sixth grade, I decided it would be funny to moon all of the cars passing down our street. And it was funny...until one man backed up his car and took a picture. To this day, I'm not sure where that picture is or what he did with it.
Image credits: Kanarazu
#20
Age 4: In preschool I got sick at lunch and barfed all over myself. The teacher had to take me into another classroom to clean me up and find spare clothes. The classroom was full of other kids who upon seeing me covered in my own reeking sick, immediately began roiling in disgust/mocking me. Goddamnit so much. I'm 33 now and I believe this contributed to the anxiety I feel in large groups.
At age 5: At another kid's birthday party just before he blew out the candles on his cake I spring in front of him and blow out the candles myself. I was immediately shunned by the birthday boy and the rest of the kids for the remainder of the party. I have no idea why I did that.
Age 6: In kindergarten during reading group I amuse myself by pronouncing every word with the letter "U" in it in a weird way. For instance, the word blue would be pronounced "bleeyou." Every. Single. time. This was much to the chagrin of my group mates who would just squirm or laugh when it was my turn to read.
Age 7: I won a leather glove, sunglasses and a tie-dyed shirt during a rollerskating party for school. I wore them proudly back into the classroom after returning school. As I sat down at my desk, I removed the glove and sunglasses and announced proudly that I was done being cool for the day. A little girl next to me said , "You were never cool," and the entire class erupted in laughter.
Age 8-33: I am handsome, intelligent and well liked. Nothing embarrassing ever happens again. Foes flee before my terrible power and throngs of adoring women surround me wherever I go.
TL;DR I was a weird little kid.
#21
I used to zone out a lot as a kid, and at random times. I would just get lost in my mind. One day I'm at Wal-Mart shopping for shoes. As I'm taking off my shoes my brain says, "Hey guys! He's taking off his shoes! We must be getting ready for gym class!" Naturally, I unzip, unbutton, and take off my pants in the middle of Wal-Mart.
I remember this woman with a shopping cart stopped at the end of the isle and just stared at me. I wondered to myself, "Why is this lady just staring at me?" Then I looked down and I'm standing in my underwear.
#22
At Easter one year I ran full force into a sliding glass door. Then I opened it and tried to run away but ran into the screen door.
#23
My best friend in grade school and I used to howl "COOOOOO-KIE CRISP" across the playground to find each other when we were separated.
Also, one time I read a book about schoolkids taking care of bags of flour as if they were babies. I thought it was a cool project, so I did it. I put a bag of flour in a onesie and carried it around school for a week. Fifth grade was a hoot.
Image credits: manyapple5
#24
I was around the age of 5 enjoying my very first Disneyworld experience. It was very crowded and my family and I were stuck in one of those very long lines that wind endlessly back and forth. I, as I would think most 5 year old boys are, didn't exactly have a filter to what I would say. If it crossed my mind, I would pretty much just blurt it out. So as we begin to wind down through the line, I notice a strange looking man. I scream and point him out to my horrified mother saying, "Mommy! Mommy Look! It's a little boy with a man's head". She eventually quiets me down but then, of course, as we wind through the line and pass the midget again, I can't contain myself. "Mommy, there he is again!". As we winded through the line I continued to aggregate this poor guy and most likely ruined his day.
TL,DR As I was winding through a line at Disneyland, I continually shouted and pointed at a midget's strange appearance.
Image credits: pitchrunner
#25
Oh god. I was about 11 years old, lonely, and in the mindset that I needed to find the love of my life NOW. I had in my mind this romantic notion that I wanted the person I fell in love with to be a childhood friend. I was still a child so I needed to find a guy NOW in order for this long-term plan to work.
Anyways, met a boy and I wrote a really, *really* embarrassing love letter about him. He got his hands on it because I stupidly left it out in the open, and our friendship was really awkward for a while. At first it was weird, but then he started joking about it and that made it easier (Though I was horrified because at this time I liked him). He still teases me about it to this day, which I'm okay with since I'm completely over those weird feelings. He's now my best friend.
Image credits: MissVelvetElvis
#26
One time when I was eating with my family at the age of 10, I was sucking the juices out of a good breakfast sausage, then when they asked me what I was doing, I yelled "IM JUST SUCKING ON MY SAUSAGE!!!"
They still [mess] with me to this day.
#27
I was a really chubby kid, and one time at age 12 I went in a gas station with my grandma and the clerk lady asked me when my baby was due.
Image credits: jebus_cripes
#28
In the 8th grade I was starting to get a slight Uni-Brow. so i began to tweeze it. One time i seen my dads razor and without really thinking i shave straight down. Long story short i no longer had a uni-brow or half of my right eyebrow.
Image credits: Hiii_ImRobert
#29
I purposefully [wetted] my pants in the 1st Grade because I was too embarrassed to ask to go to the bathroom.
#30
Oh, so many. When I was ten, I projectile vomited in front of my entire extended family directly after Thanksgiving dinner. My uncle was teasing me about being so quiet all day and not really eating much. I must have had the flu.
And the worst one (if I can stretch the definition of "childhood" to include high school) happened when I was getting off of the school bus when I was 15 or 16. We had just arrived at school and I was walking down the bus aisle holding my backpack in front of me. When I got to the steps, it slipped out of my hand and landed on the bottom stair. Instead of just picking it up like a normal human being, I decided to jump over it and then turn around and pick it up. Ohgodwhy. I promptly got my toe caught and fell out of the bus right on my face-in front of just about everyone in the school.
Image credits: word_nerd7623
#31
Me and my sister mutually decided to get married when we were like 6. My parents never let u live it down.
Image credits: anon
#32
When I was in the 4th grade, it was common knowledge that our male homeroom teacher supposedly had a crush on another female teacher in the grade.
In our typical grade school mindset, we constantly tormented and teased him about this fact. We constantly sang the classic, "Sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G" and would ask when their wedding was.
One day afterschool, I was one of the last kids to pack my bags to leave. As I walked down the hallway, I saw my teacher going down the stairs. Without thinking, I shouted, "Hey! GO MAKE LOVE TO MRS. HUGHES!" Totally unaware of what that meant. I assumed I had just made up the phrase "make love" and that it gave the imagery of two people in a factory crafting paper hearts for "love." My teacher froze, looked up disgusted, and whispered, "not appropriate for school. At. All." Needless to say I was very confused by his reaction. I told my dad the incident later that night, and he flipped out.
Yeara later... Oh God Why.
#33
When I was about 5 or so my younger brother was 2. Every time I played with his toys my mom would tell me that I was too big for them. So the first time I saw an obese person sit on a chair that was too small for them guess what I said. "You're too big to be sitting in that chair."
Image credits: anon
#34
Trousers fell down during a play school game of duck duck goose.. caught on tape.. and no you can't have the video.
#35
For my fourth birthday party I got some ill fitting boxer shorts that I wore straight away. The clown my mum had booked for my party had a game where he had filled a small kid pool with water and had deposited sponges in it, one less than all the people there.
We all had to try get one and the person without one had to run and dodge sponges getting thrown at them. Well I was unlucky, sprinted, tripped on a tree root, boxers fly off, no undies, in front of every parent and child.
Image credits: anon
#36
I called the teacher mom.
Image credits: anon
#37
Seven years old. Right before Halloween.
Every Sunday morning, my father would read the Sunday comics to me with breakfast. In one particular strip, the punchline had something to do with a little old lady hollering, "GIMME A PIG'S FOOT AND A CUP OF BEER!"
...Guess who didn't say Trick-or-Treat at every door that Halloween through the entire neighborhood? Yeah.
EDIT Forgot about a few...
The time mom was shopping with me in the mall and I picked up a cigarette butt and stuck it in my mouth...
The time when I was eight and asked the teacher if I could pet his tie because it looked pretty (received a phone call home after that one)...
The time I asked the school bus driver, a fifty year-old man, if we could be pen pals...
The time I opened every gift under the Christmas tree a week early and tried to rewrap everything with toilet paper...
I'm sure I'll remember more eventually. :(
#38
It was my grandma's birthday, and I was about 6 years old. So we had a big party at our house, lots and lots of guests and of course a lot of new faces. Being a stupid chubby but completely crazy kid, I thought i would perform an act of dancing for the audience. Unfortunately for everyone in the building, the night Before I've spent more than 3 hours coming up with the dance moves, watching tv in order to find something extraordinary astonishing. And I did. It was my time to shine, so in a high pitched voice I declared that I'm going to perform "a happy birthday dance". It would be not that bad, but just before going on the stage I made a little wee wee in my boxers. So I rip them of my clumsy body, run out [bare] on the stage in front of more than 20 people, and all I do is I start to jiggle my pecker and sing HAPPY BIDAY, COME AND DANCE WITH ME.
#39
When I was about 9 I forgot my keys and couldn't get into the house when I got home from school. Instead of taking the 10 minute walk back to school and call my parents, I decided that I would break into my own house and get in that way. So I picked up the biggest rock I could find and threw it through a window.
However this didn't go as planned as we had double-plated windows and my wimpy throw only smashed one of the plates. I had to hang my head in shame and walk back to the school to call my mom to come and let me in after she got off work.
Image credits: Clanratc
#40
Writing my name on my parents car with a penny (scratched the paint). I was about 4-5.
#41
When I was about eight I went with my family to a chinese restaurant for my great aunts 80th birthday. When the waiter (an older chinese man) came to take our order, I said "I'll have the cleavage," having heard that line in Spaceballs. I had no idea what it meant at the time, and my family gaped at me in stunned silence. Only when I was maybe 15 did I realize what I had done.
TL;DR: ordered cleavage from an elderly chinese waiter.
#42
Apparently when I was a toddler I'd decided I'd had enough of my grandfather's funeral and sat myself down in the aisle of the church with my hands down my pants. I don't remember this and I have no way of knowing whether it's true or not but my parents always bring it up.
#43
When I was about 4, my dad's watch broke, so he opened it up and showed me the inside. I was asking him things about the gears and all of that jazz, and then I came out with the following:
Me: They're so small.. who puts them in there?
Dad: Most of them are made by people in China
Me: That must be why they have squinty eyes then, from looking at the tiny parts all the time.
TL,DR; Was innocently racist about people from China.
#44
When I was little I used to pick my nose and stick my boogers behind the couch (it was up against the wall). About eight years later, we moved so my dad pulled the couch right away from the wall and found a layer of solid snot that he then had to scrape off. I believe it took a solid effort to get rid of it. They like to tell this story.
#45
My mom had a friend who was living with us after his long term boyfriend broke up with him. My mom says that when the three of us were out together I'd go up to strange men and ask them if they wanted to be his boyfriend.
#46
My dad had an old station wagon and when I was a kid I liked to go in the back and put on puppet shows using my stuffed animals for the people in the cars behind us whenever we were at a red light. I have no idea if anyone ever noticed, but I can't imagine what they thought of seeing these stuffed animals dancing around in the rear window.
#47
I was maybe 5. We were visiting my elderly grandparents. I had learned a new expression recently.
As we're pulling out of their driveway, my dad said "Good bye!" - very deliberately, as if to start a trend. My mom said "Good bye!". My brother (12) said "Good bye!". I proudly said "Good riddance!"
The memory that follows is just a blur of parental mortification.
#48
When I was in kindergarten, I was waiting in lone to check out a book in the library. Whilst waiting in line, I thought that I could hold it in; I didn't. I ended up [wetting] myself in front of the librarian, playing it cool, as if nothing happened.
