Dear Coleen
I’m really worried about my mum, who drinks too much. I’m not an expert, so don’t know if she’s an alcoholic, but I think it’s possible.
She’s in her late-60s and has lived alone since my father died 10 years ago.
She does have friends and manages to function most of the time, but sometimes she’s so drunk she can barely speak. She also turns up to things drunk and is completely unreliable.
When I’ve asked her to look after my kids she hasn’t turned up, saying later she’d got the dates mixed up.
She can go through periods of being better and almost like her old self, but it doesn’t last very long.
I have tried speaking to her gently, but she gets very defensive, even angry, so I don’t push it for fear she’ll have a huge drinking binge.
Recently, she put her car in a ditch and was arrested for drink driving, but even that hasn’t appeared to knock any sense into her.
I don’t know what to do to help her. I did call the GP, who wasn’t massively helpful. I’d appreciate any advice you can offer.
What would you tell this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section...
Coleen says
I think it’s time to be less gentle and more direct. Try scheduling a time to sit down with her – like my daughter does with me now and again – and tell her the truth as you see it.
Yes, the truth hurts, but hopefully she’ll go away and think about things and see the impact she’s having on others, too.
Her first reaction might be anger and she might chuck you out, but she will register what you’ve said. Don’t be accusatory, but tell her you love her, you’re worried about her and you’re worried about leaving your kids with her, then ask what you can do to help.
The bottom line is that she needs to accept she has a problem before she can help herself and let others help her too.
There’s bound to be an underlying issue such as grief or feeling unworthy, lonely or depressed, and she is self-medicating. She could start by agreeing to visit her GP and finding out what help is available to her in terms of counselling or medication.
You could offer to go with her.
I think if the conversation is coming from a place of support, then you will have a better chance of getting through to her. Good luck.
