Dear Coleen
I’m 27 and really struggling to make my way in life.
I keep making bad choices and I know my parents are at their wits’ end with me.
I got pregnant with my daughter when I was 18, but managed to do well in my A-levels.
However, since then, I’ve relied on my parents and benefits to make ends meet while I’ve raised my daughter.
I struggle with friendships – it’s hard to meet people of my own age because no one I’ve met is in my situation.
They’re all working and dating, and don’t have the responsibility of a nine-year-old child.
I’ve also dated some real losers.
For some reason, I’m taken in every time by someone who’s either unfaithful, unreliable or controlling.
My last boyfriend moved in with me and I thought we’d go the distance and get married, then one day he disappeared, taking money I’d saved in a jar, along with my laptop and my phone.
I never heard from him again and have no idea where he is.
I’d love some advice on how I can start to make a better life for myself. I just feel I’ve messed everything up.
What advice would you give to this reader? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
OK, you’ve made some bad choices and maybe it’s out of desperation – you’re getting into relationships without considering whether someone is good for you.
You also had your daughter very young, which is a huge pressure and affects the choices you go on to make.
But look at what you’ve achieved – you got good exam results despite finding out you were pregnant, and you’ve brought your daughter up on your own.
So you’re strong and you’re young, and you have to believe that you can turn things around.
It won’t happen overnight, but you’ve got to start somewhere and it’s better to set yourself small, achievable goals.
Every step you take will give you confidence.
Why not shelve the idea of a relationship for now and focus on other stuff?
Don’t look for someone else to change your life – you have what it takes.
Consider going to college or finding a job.
Your daughter’s at school now and perhaps if you went to your parents with a plan, they’d be willing to help out with childcare and support you in other ways.
Think about what you’re good at and what you enjoy, and get careers’ advice.
Doing something just for yourself and creating opportunities to meet new people will rebuild your self-esteem.
