Dear Coleen
A really good friend of mine recently confessed that she’s been sleeping with a married man on and off for nearly two years. I was shocked, as I had absolutely no idea, so they’ve managed to cover their tracks well.
What’s more, she’s admitted she’s in love with this guy and wants him to leave his wife, but they have two young children, so I don’t know whether that’s even on the cards.
I didn’t really know what to say back to her because I don’t agree with what she’s doing, especially as there are kids involved.
Now she’s told me, it’s opened the floodgates and she wants to talk about their relationship all the time. So far, I’ve been holding back from saying what I really think because she’s not going to like it.
What should I do – tell her I think what she’s doing is wrong or keep out of it altogether?
I suppose I just thought better of her and it almost feels like I don’t know her at all.
What do you think?
Coleen says
It might help to find some empathy with her. You don’t agree with what she’s doing, but perhaps try to put yourself in her shoes – she’s probably being lied to by this guy (who’s also lying to his wife) and, the bottom line is, it’s his marriage and his responsibility.
You might not agree with her choices, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be friends – and it doesn’t mean you can’t be honest with her. Your friendship should be able to bear it.
Why not say to her that as a woman, if you discovered your partner was cheating, it would be devastating. And point out that this guy is unreliable and a cheat. Even if he did leave his wife, he might end up doing the same to her – could she ever trust him?
Try to get her to think about the future of the relationship and where it’s heading.
The fact is, in nearly two years, he hasn’t left his wife and it sounds as if he wants the thrill of an affair, but no commitment.
It sounds as if he just wants to have his cake and eat it.
