Dear Coleen
My husband and I split up about a year ago. We got married and had our two children when we were in our early 20s, so we missed out on a lot, and I think the pressure took its toll.
Since the split, I’ve been seeing a local guy, who I know is no good for me, but I liked the fact it was a no-hassle, no-strings-type of arrangement.
Now, though, my husband and I have decided to make another go of it, which I want to do, but how do I get the other guy out of my head?
I know he’s no good for me and doesn’t want to take on the responsibility of a family, but I am very attracted to him.
Can you help?
What would you advise this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
Well, you obviously don’t want a “no-strings” arrangement long-term and you’ve made a commitment to make another go of it with your husband.
So the first thing you have to do is be clear with this other guy that it’s over and leave no room to let him back in.
If you’re going to make your marriage work, you have to focus only on that.
I wouldn’t jump straight back into living with your hubby again – start dating him, then he can start staying over for a night and then a couple of nights.
It’s important to rediscover each other and also to talk about what went wrong and what you can do to avoid it happening again.
In terms of getting this guy out of your head, if you give all your time and energy to your husband and family, then you won’t be thinking about him. Then the longer you’re apart, the easier it’ll become.
This relationship helped you through a rough patch, but it doesn’t sound as if he’s who you want to end up with.
