Dear Coleen
A couple of weeks ago we were visiting my husband’s family and his eldest sister and her kids were there too.
She’s divorced and came up with the idea that we should all go on holiday together, as it would be nice for her children.
She wants to go abroad in May half term, but I’ll be seven months pregnant by then and don’t know if I’ll feel up to it.
It’s taken us a long time to get pregnant and I always felt my sister-in-law was smug about the fact she popped out three kids no problem. She hasn’t thought about the fact a big holiday when I’m pregnant might not be what I want.
I get along OK with the rest of his family and my nieces and nephew are great, but I’ve never taken to her (she’s snooty) and I don’t want to spend a fortune on a stressful week with her.
My husband isn’t very sympathetic. He says I’m pregnant, not ill, and that I might not see eye-to-eye with his sister on everything but she’s been through a rough time with the divorce and could use the support.
I don’t want to cause a major fuss, but I really don’t want to go! What do you think and how can I work this out?
Coleen says
First of all, having had several friends who struggled to conceive, I know it’s normal to feel extra-sensitive around people with babies and children.
It’s understandable because you’re going through a tough time and it’s hard to see happy couples for whom having kids has been a breeze. It feels unfair.
Maybe you’ve carried a bit of this into your relationship with your sister-in-law.
But now you’re pregnant, it could be an opportunity to bond with her over something you both have in common. You could even confide in her that you’re nervous about being away from home when you’re pregnant, as it’s your first baby.
It might open the door to a better relationship and she may be able to reassure you.
Another option is to give your hubby your blessing to go away with his family without you – it’s only for a week. You could use the time to relax at home and do nice things for yourself.
I do think he is being a bit insensitive. He’s right, you’re not ill, but you are growing a human inside you and you’re going to be a bit anxious, especially as your road to pregnancy hasn’t been easy.
If you really don’t want to go, don’t go. But don’t make it all about his sister. Try to help your husband see that the holiday won’t be relaxing or enjoyable for you if you’re worrying about being away from home and your usual support network.
