Well LFW started off majorly divine as in harnesses are having the biggest moment? Everybody’s like literally omigod, WANT, I’m like, IKR, God why should horses have all the fun, wait till I tell Dave! Then people are looking at me weirdly #traysawk I’m like, what, WHAT they’re all like, oh nothing #liars. So the mobile goes, Dave’s like ahem Craig was wondering, have you got something amazerama for the frow tomoz, only there is like, this *quite* stupid story? I’m like, oh not the pig FFS, bloody Boris, Dave’s like, no, worse. I’m like, God, not that hunt, I TOLD you – omigod not the roasting one from school? He’s like, babes, are you sitting down, I’m like, wait, not *falls insensible to the floor* – DELINGPOLE – are you sure?
He’s like, 100% babes, us in his room, on holiday, bit of climate change denial, some lefty columnist bantz – I’m like, bloody bloody Boris, are there pictures? Dave’s like, um. I’m like, God, quiet, let me think, we can *reputational damage face* fix this, he’s like, yay with a drone amiright, genius babes, let me call the army. I’m like, no, think, THINK *lightbulb face* that time we dumped Rebekah? He’s like, & Coulson & Clarkson & the Murdochs? I’m like correct, barely know the guy, utter nonsense, won’t dignify with a response. Now run & hide.
Then I’m like Anna, soz, first world problems, if you needed a dress that would knock a particularly vile & disgusting allegation so far off the front page that people would forget a person ever knew *shudders* a J Delingpole #askingforafriend, what would it be, she’s like, oh darling, Victoria Beckham Resort, every time – in rouge de tomate, obvs. I’m like but what if it doesn’t work? Anna’s like, nuclear option? I’m like soz, not finished yet, typical Oik :( She’s like, as in Preen? I’m like, excuse me, she’s like, did you or did you not keep your election victory dress #harsh.
That moment you know it will be fine? When there is this policeman literally outside the front door going if you’re a witness to any allegations involving pigs please come forward, we’d really like to hear from everybody that may have any information that supports our investigation #pigs. Dave’s like merci plods, goodnight Delingpole :)))
