Dear Coleen, I’m a married woman in my late 30s and my sex life is virtually non-existent. I think we’ve done it three times in the past year, and even then my husband couldn’t drum up much enthusiasm.
It wasn’t like this in the beginning – we’ve been together for seven years – but the passion has gradually gone over the past few, despite me trying to keep it alive.
He says he loves me and he doesn’t really know why he’s not into sex any more.
In all other respects our relationship is good. He’s also a good dad to our two children.
Where do I go from here?
Coleen says
I don’t think a friendship is enough to sustain your marriage long-term, at least not for you.
There could be a physical issue, which has affected his libido, and stress or depression can also have an impact on sex drive.
You don’t say whether he’s been to see his GP, but obviously that would be a good idea to rule out a physical cause.
I think talking to him, but not in a confrontational way, is crucial.
You have to help him to understand how his lack of interest makes you feel and that friendship isn’t enough for you going forward.
Make the conversation about trying to find solutions rather than apportioning blame.
If he’d agree to it, I think psychosexual counselling would be a really good idea – you can find a private therapist through the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk).
