Dear Coleen,
I’m a man in my late 40s and have been with my wife for 25 years. I never thought I’d be the type of person to have an affair, but I’m having one right now and don’t know what to do from here.
I love my wife, still find her very attractive and we make a great couple, so this isn’t about her – it’s about me.
I’ve been unhappy over the past few years, due to work stress, financial stress and feeling older and fatter. Then this younger woman came along and made it clear she was interested in being with me.
She made me feel good about myself for the first time in years.
What would you tell this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section
I know none of this is an excuse for cheating, but I’m just trying to explain what led me there.
I know if I tell my wife and ask for forgiveness, she’ll chuck me out. I think she’d be genuinely shocked that I’d be capable of this.
The other woman wants to carry on seeing me, but I’m pretty sure she’s just treading water until someone else comes along who she wants to spend her life with. I’ve got myself in a mess and would love your opinion.
Coleen says,
I think you’ve had a major midlife crisis. We expect women to struggle around the menopause in midlife, but it’s a crisis point for men, too.
We all want to feel worthy and attractive and, when you’re in a long-term relationship, you can forget to boost each other up.
I think you know what you have to do – end the affair with this woman and start working on your marriage and your self-esteem.
Get all the latest news straight to your inbox. Sign up to one of the Mirror's newsletters
She’s been an ego trip and helped you to feel young and sexy again and, while I don’t condone the affair, I do understand what led you there.
You say you love your wife, so don’t put your 25-year relationship in any more jeopardy. So tell your wife how you’re feeling about yourself.
Sometimes it’s not enough to know that someone loves you; you need to know they desire you and that side of your relationship is still there.
The passion won’t be as dramatic as when you first met, but it should still be there. Start the conversation and find out what you both need.
