Dear Coleen
I split up with my husband four years ago and we have two children together. I’ve been single since then, while my ex has moved on and is expecting a baby with his fiancee.
I’m in my 30s and feel so miserable that I’m still on my own, especially when I see everyone else around me in happy relationships, even my ex.
I really crave having someone special in my life.
But the only guys I’ve met have been useless and either just after a bit of fun or scared of taking on a woman with two kids, plus an ex who’s still in the picture.
Over lockdown, I tried online dating and got chatting to several guys, but every time it gets to the point of arranging a meeting, I freak out and make some excuse about why I can’t meet up.
I just don’t have the confidence to take that next step.
I’m worried they’ll be disappointed when they see me in person and they’ll think I’m a washed-up, stressed-out mum with no sex appeal. I’m starting to panic that I’ll never meet anyone.
I’d love your advice.
What would you advise this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
I get it – I found myself single again in my 50s and I felt scared and lacked confidence too.
However, I also put myself up for online dating and I’ve had a lot of fun.
You’re probably overthinking it – the reality is, you’ll probably have to go through a few dates before you meet someone you really hit it off with. And that’s OK. You can still enjoy meeting people and having grown-up conversations, and get into the swing of dating again.
The more you do it, the more confident you’ll become. Have fun with it instead of putting pressure on yourself to meet The One.
You also need to work on your self-esteem. I doubt any guy would think you’re washed-up with no sex appeal. But maybe that’s how you feel inside.
Remind yourself of all your great qualities and rope your friends in for some support. I’m sure they’d love to tell you how wonderful you are and would like to see you meet someone.
The only way to get over that scary hurdle of a first date is to step over it.
If I can do it, anyone can!
