I am a man in my 60s. When my wife and I have sex, I can keep it up (as it were) for 45 minutes, including about 20 minutes of coitus. All of which I enjoy very much. The problem in recent years is my orgasm. When it arrives, it is a bit of a letdown. It happens extremely quickly and feels like a premature ejaculation, even though it has taken a long time to get there. It makes no difference whether I am on top and in charge of the pace or whether my wife is. How can I make my orgasms more enjoyable?
Certain medications – whether prescription or over-the-counter – can change the nature of one’s orgasm, so consider whether the culprit could be in your medicine cabinet. If this is a possibility, you should consult with the prescribing physician to find out if there might be an alternative. Another element to investigate is whether your hormones might have something to do with it. For example, you might ask a doctor to look at your testosterone levels. Strong orgasms are fuelled partly by sex hormones such as testosterone, and an insufficiency could lead to the symptoms you are experiencing. Finally, I can tell that you are proud of your sexual prowess, but it might be a good idea to relax a bit on the expectations you set for yourself. A person usually has a better orgasm when they are able to let go of performance pressure. Try to focus simply on pleasure.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
• If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
