Twice a week we publish problems that will feature in a forthcoming Dear Jeremy advice column in the Saturday Guardian so that readers can offer their own advice and suggestions. We then print the best of your comments alongside Jeremy’s own insights. Here is the latest dilemma – what are your thoughts?
I greatly fear I am about to be called as a witness for both sides of a long-standing and bitter dispute at my workplace. I won’t bore you with the sorry details, suffice to say no one involved (including myself) has covered themselves in glory.
In brief, my employer has for a long time ignored the extremely bad and worrying behaviour of a member of staff, up to the point that three other members of staff have put in complaints against this person and my employer has had no choice but to act.
All participants in the investigation, the defendant and the three complainants, have peppered their statements with references to me as a witness to many different things, one has even told the independent investigator personal medical details about me.
These statements have been shown to the person under investigation and she is now personally “distressed” not just about the accusations of staff but what she supposes is my “disloyalty” to her.
The person under investigation is guilty of the many things she is being accused of, but the three complainants and I are not blameless.
There is a highly dysfunctional culture in the workplace and the defendant is using this to mitigate her bad behaviour.
I am depressed, anxious and distressed at the idea of giving evidence or bearing witness. I have been brought up in a culture of not complaining and ignoring bad behaviour in others even if that is hurtful to one’s own sense of self. I was also brought up in a culture where one does not “grass” even when someone has behaved abominably. I know legally I can be compelled to give witness, and that anonymity cannot be guaranteed and, even if used, may be considered as “speaking louder” than blunt honesty.
Do you need advice on a work issue? For Jeremy’s and readers’ help, send a brief email to dear.jeremy@theguardian.com. Please note that he is unable to answer questions of a legal nature or to reply personally.
