Dear Coleen
I’m marrying my fiance next year and we couldn’t be happier about it. However, the wedding is already causing a lot of stress thanks to his ex-girlfriend.
My fiance wants her to be there, as they have a five-year-old son together and feels he should be accompanied by his mum on the day. He argues that we’re happy and nothing could spoil that, but I’m not so sure.
When we first got together, his ex was vile to me. She posted lots of nasty comments on social media, blaming me for the end of their relationship (not true) and also saying her son hated me (again, not true).
She has calmed down since and luckily I hardly ever see her any more, but I just can’t forgive and forget that easily and don’t feel I should have to accommodate her on my wedding day.
Every time I bring it up though, my fiance just gets a bit irritated and doesn’t see why I’m making such a huge fuss over it. I think he’s forgotten how mean and unreasonable she was. What do you think? Am I making too much of her being at our wedding?
Coleen says
I don’t think she has to be there just because her son is there. However, you’re saying you can’t forget how mean she was to you at the start, so the devil in me thinks, what lovely revenge that her nasty plan didn’t work as she has to watch you walk down the aisle!
I remember people asking me if my ex-hubby Shane was coming to my wedding to Ray, but I didn’t want him there, even though we were all good friends. I just felt he didn’t need to be there. Shane invited me to his wedding, but I declined because I didn’t feel it was fair on his new partner – it was her day.
However, I think you have to take a step back and think about why you’re so eaten up with this when you’re the one getting married. I think it’ll be harder for your fiance’s ex on the day.
Try not to let it ruin the build-up to your wedding or cause a rift between you and your fiance. Don’t take it to the point where you allow her to cause chaos when everything is so good in your life.
If she was a decent person, she probably would politely decline the invite – and she still might get cold feet. But if she is a difficult person, then perhaps your fiance’s decision to invite her is because he doesn’t want her to try and stop his son from being there.
