Dear Coleen
I’m a woman in my late-thirties and I’m married with two children. A few months ago, I had a brief sexual affair, which was amazing.
I know it sounds awful to say that, but the experience made me feel alive and desired for the first time in years. The guy I was seeing is also married and has one child with his wife.
To cut a long story short, we got found out and both felt so terrible and guilty over it. It completely shattered our bubble.
My husband cried and couldn’t even look at me for days.
Amazingly, both he and my lover’s wife decided they could forgive us and move on from it, so we agreed that we owed to them and our kids to try and make our marriages work.
It was heart-wrenching to end the affair and I still miss him so much. I have tried with my husband, but the sexual side of things just isn’t working.
Every time we have sex, I find myself wishing I was with the other guy and cringe when he touches me.
I’ve honestly tried, but it’s just not working and things weren’t that great before the affair either.
Any ideas on what I should do?
Coleen says
I don’t think you can end something like that and just go back to normal, pretending it didn’t happen, because you feel so guilty.
You could try counselling either with your husband or on your own. However, the reality is, you might not get those feelings back for him.
It’s painful for all concerned, but that’s life.
There is no point in staying with someone you recoil from when he touches you. It’s not fair on him and it’ll impact on the family as a whole.
The fact you ended up having an affair with someone else means your marriage wasn’t fine, so it’s important to have the discussion about what wasn’t working.
You might have to acknowledge that even though you want your marriage to work for the sake of your family, it might not. Breaking up the family unit is painful, but it’s not good for your kids to grow up around an unhappy marriage either.
You can’t just gloss over this because, at some point, it will all blow up again. So you have to address it properly.
What would you advise this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section
