My girlfriend and I have been together for three years and she makes me very happy. Until now, I have always worked in a predominantly male workplace, but I am in a new research job where I am surrounded by strong women, and am aroused at work constantly. The air-conditioning broke last week and one of my colleagues told me she was only wearing underwear beneath her labcoat. I was so aroused that I actually had a visual disturbance. The guilt is really beginning to burden me.
Your colleagues are not above thinly veiled flirtation. Telling someone you are only wearing underwear beneath a coat is a downright seductive move. Since being surrounded by women is a novelty for you, it is understandable that you might struggle with this, especially if you work in a small physical space – there is a biological reason why proximity often leads to attraction and sexual behaviour.
Perhaps your fantasies are being subconsciously transmitted to your workmates, and this could lead to a mutual acting out. Think carefully about how this might affect your life and take steps to avoid it. Set boundaries by letting them know that you have a girlfriend, perhaps inviting her to lunch so they can meet her. In time, you will become more accustomed to being surrounded by women but, in the meantime, get that air-conditioning fixed so everyone can cool down.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).
