Dear Coleen
I split up with my husband last year because of his serial philandering.
He’s had several affairs, but the latest one was the nail in the coffin and I finally found the courage to walk away. He’s still with this woman and has moved into her place. I couldn’t care less, to be honest, but we have three children, so I have to maintain a civil relationship with him for their sake.
We agreed that the kids shouldn’t meet her until they’d got used to the idea of us separating, but then I found out that he’d introduced them to her without telling me first.
My daughter let the cat out of the bag, obviously, and he must have known this would happen, which means he doesn’t care what I think. I’m so angry with him and feel we should discuss everything that concerns the children. Surely I’m right about this?
What advice would you give? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
Yes, I think he should have told you because you’d discussed it beforehand and he knew what your take on it was. However, if the kids are OK with it, then for your own sake, as well as theirs, move on from it without creating an issue.
You have every right to say to your ex that he shouldn’t have gone behind your back. But it sounds as if he’s serious about this woman as they’re living together, meaning the relationship isn’t going away. So it’s not realistic for her to leave the house every time the kids come over.
You say you’re not bothered, but you are. Maybe it’s because he’s taken this out of your control and it might have been the one area, throughout the affairs and the separation, that you felt you had some control over.
It might be a question of having another discussion to reestablish how things are going to work with the children moving forward.
