Searching for "neurodivergent holidays” online, I’m met with pages of results. For children.
There are hotels, cruise lines and self-catering villas, all offering special adjustments for autistic and ADHD children – which is a great development. But what about the caregivers?
It’s easy to assume that neurodiverse parents have it figured out; that we know how to cope and we don’t need any help. But I’m still working it out. I’m adapting to travelling as a neurodiverse person with sensory processing issues, plus dealing with being a new parent.
Before having Ada, travelling was far easier. There was less noise to overstimulate me. I had only my own needs to manage. I’d have a child-free hotel room where I could decompress each evening in silence, while I pretended I was getting ready for the night (I wasn’t).
As a parent, I can’t take time out in the same way. To cope with the sounds of blaring pool music, splashing water and overlapping conversations – among sun loungers so tightly-packed I couldn’t escape – I used to drink to excess. Not anymore.
Rather than becoming easier, holidays have become more challenging as Ada ages. When she was a baby, I could push her around in a pram; her desires only food and sleep. Now, she wants to play in the noisy kids’ pool, and she wants me to get in, too. And don’t get me started on the mini discos. There’s crying, meltdowns, burnout – and that’s just me.
Read more: How I let go of ‘perfect’ to beat single-parent holiday anxiety
Then there’s the heat sensitivity, which can be completely debilitating when you’re meant to be relaxing. For ADHD or autistic people, it’s not just discomfort – it can tip you into full shutdown mode. Add a child, noise, tight schedules (hello, time blindness), and public spaces? It's a lot.
Some holidays have been more challenging than others. A villa break in the south of France in 2023 was surprisingly hard work. There was the pressure to entertain Ada, during a drought which meant the pool couldn’t be filled, plus demanding chores such as shopping, cooking and cleaning to complete. These are all tasks which require planning, something people with ADHD find difficult.
But there have been bright spots, too. Our easiest holiday was probably at an all-inclusive beach resort. The kids’ club allowed me time to rest and space to unwind alone. The communal spaces were full of holidaymakers battling for deck chairs but the beach was nearly empty – which was perfect for me.
And while a holiday can feel overwhelming, there are some adjustments that can help neurodiverse parents. Here’s what I’ve found the most useful.
Use earplugs
I do not travel without earplugs anymore. The brand I use is Loop, as they are designed for ADHD and autism. There’s a specific set designed for parenting. It means that you can still hear your child, but distracting background noise is reduced.
Find a quiet place
Some cruise lines offer special “quiet zones” for sensory-challenged guests like myself, but there will be somewhere you can find on any holiday which is peaceful enough for you to take a minute (even if it’s not advertised).
My husband and I have created our own language to talk about this. Anywhere too overstimulating, we call “stimmy”. We make it a priority to find a “not stimmy” area on the first day of our trip.
This month, we travelled to Alanya in Turkey with Tui. The “not stimmy” place was the a la carte restaurant, which was closed in the mornings. No one minded us using it to have a quiet morning coffee away from the crowds.
Book a bigger room
People might think it’s a waste, but book a bigger room (if that’s something you can afford). As a neurodiverse family, you will spend a lot of time in it. Let it become a safe retreat for everyone.
On a different trip to Turkey, we booked a bedroom with a sitting room for about £100 extra per week. And on a cruise with Royal Caribbean in 2024, we opted for a stateroom rather than an inside cabin. It was completely worth it.
Order room service
Room service is free on cruise lines such as Royal Caribbean and Disney. You can start the day peacefully, instead of disembarking while overstimulated by the chaos of the buffet.
Read more: The truth about flying long-haul with a baby as a solo parent
On our last cruise, we ate breakfast in our room, enjoying it from the quiet balcony. The menu is more limited but there are still plenty of options, and the reduced choices make it a less imposing experience for people who struggle with executive dysfunction.
And while the service might not be free in hotels, room service could still be worth indulging in. It’s much easier than guiding a toddler around a packed buffet while balancing multiple plates and your own needs.
Know your limits
Know your limits, and limit how much you do. There is no sight in the world that is worth burning out for. The ADHD urge to do everything, and book all the trips available, is very common. But so is the crash that comes afterwards.
I did this in Turkey in August, and after one trip of absolute misery, I cancelled the rest of the week's itinerary (which luckily was free of charge).
Just pick one or two must-do excursions. There is no shame in saying “this is too much for me today”.
The most important thing advice – regardless of your coping strategies – is to look after yourself. Whether it’s popping in your earplugs or taking time out alone, find the methods that work for you.
Holidays are a time for pleasure, so seek out what that looks like for your particular needs. And remember: your family would rather that than have you happy than overwhelmed.
