So they're in then. Well alright, they're not in yet, they're still flying over the camp in helicopters and are going to bungee in apparently. (Bungee? Doesn't that mean they'd boing back into the chopper?).
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So far we've had only the briefest of introductions to the gang who, Ant or Dec announce chirpily, are to be our new best friends. David Gest has revealed a very dry sense of humour by greeting Lauren as "Cherie!" and making some caustic comments about those who would gain publicity by dissing him. Toby Anstis is already irritating me intensely. I'd have voted to evict him three times already if I could. Mylene Klass is going for down-to-earth girls' girl points. Which isn't easy in a top slashed to the navel. Faith Brown has already done a bit of old-skool all-rounder comedy basics. Can't wait till she gives us her Maggie Thatcher. The biggest question is how on earth are they going to edit Jason Donovan so he doesn't look like the winner from day one?
David Gest is stuck up a creek. He still appears to have a paddle. The "fashion designer" (can't even remember his name to google him) has gone Lord of the Flies and is all for leaving David for dead when (thankfully) ex Mr Minnelli shows some showbiz trooper smarts and wrests control of the canoe from that Footballers' Wives bird.
Oh hello, I think we may have found the answer to the earlier question. They're going to show Jase vomiting out of a helicopter. C'mon Jason, hold on to your lunch mate. Do it for Kylie...
Matt Willis out of Busted is up now. He's achieved some sort of transcendent state before getting in the chopper. That's rehab for you. He has no fear of these things, he's been to the year 3000 in a flux capacitor. I must say, as must my friend who just texted me, they have got a *stunning* line-up of mad, bad and sad again. Gest is already worth the £200k or however much the tabloids say they're paying him. Hang on, I can vote for him to do a trial. Back in a mo... Jan Leeming has just revealed that David is having a hard time. OF COURSE HE IS. He has wittily rejoined that she has her head in her vagina. They've been there for exactly 15 minutes. (He does look like he's melted and I'm completely fine with him confronting me about that comment by the way.)
In a spate of revelations too fast to keep up with, Phina confides she holds her nose when she goes to the loo. Gest compares emptying the dunny to dining with Princess Caroline in the South of France and Anstis reveals slightly too much in the shower with Faith Brown.
Jan Leeming, having insisted on doing the trial and irritating Phina, is making a right meal of it. "Oh darling, but the toads are all... Get me out of here... You bastards." She's right, of course. The injustice of it all. She's mildly claustrophobic, you know. On the upside, they'll all be starving, sharing two meals. Excellent, by day two, a half-crazed David Gest will be trying to eat Lauren Booth. The fashion designer will be fine. He's used to existing on twigs.
YES!! David's doing the flash flood trial. Of course he is. The Guardian's money was well spent on that text vote. Tune in tomorrow, viewers, for more exciting installments from the jungle. And cry hurrah for ITV's best show.
