Dear Coleen
I’m a man aged 36, I’m separated from my long-term partner and we have a four-year-old son together.
Recently, I’ve fallen for a woman who’s much younger – 19 to be exact. We met on a course, exchanged numbers and have been seeing each other a bit. We’ve kissed, but nothing else has happened yet.
I like her a lot – she’s very mature and we have a lot in common – but I’m struggling a bit with the age thing. When my ex found out, she hit the roof and called me all kinds of (untrue and unfair) names.
Basically, she thinks it’s disgusting that someone of my age is interested in a teenager and says she can’t believe I’m “that” guy.
I’ve asked my friends what they think and, unsurprisingly, their attitude is different. They don’t see it as a problem, other than she might get bored with an older bloke like me and I may struggle to keep up with her.
Obviously, I’m attracted to her physically, but there is more to it – we get on and it feels natural when we’re together.
What do you think?
Should I get out now or ignore this niggling gut feeling that it’s not right?
Coleen says
Look, you can’t predict the future – you might really click and end up spending the rest of your lives together or it might fizzle out in a few months.
An age gap like this isn’t that common, but if you’re having a good time together, then stop worrying about the future and whether it’s going to work out or not.
You could meet a woman who’s 36 and spend five years with her and still break up.
Maybe when this relationship is more out in the open, you’ll realise she is too young, but I wouldn’t be put off by other people’s opinions. Live for the now and stop trying to make decisions based on what may happen in the future.
As for your ex, the only thing you need to be in contact about is your child – she doesn’t have a say in your personal life. She’s made you feel a bit stupid and seedy, but she might have an axe to grind or feel a bit jealous.
Even if you moved on amicably, you’ve moved on with someone else – and that can lead to hurt pride.
