Dear Coleen
I’m a woman in my late 30s, I’m married to a great guy and we have one child.
For the past few months I’ve been going through this phase of watching porn online.
It’s pretty light and it’s not couples, just women on their own and mostly OnlyFans sites.
I have two issues – I’ve always been straight, I’ve never had a lesbian relationship, and in my life generally I don’t fancy women at all.
However, watching women turns me on and gets me off. Is this normal?
It was my little secret until my husband saw my browsing history and asked me about it.
He wasn’t angry, just surprised and he even laughed, which made me feel even more embarrassed and pretty angry.
And that’s my second issue.
I’ve refused to have sex with him because of how he’s been, which he isn’t happy about.
He says I’m making too much of it and that he finds it sexy that I get turned on by women, but I just feel so embarrassed by the whole thing.
I’ve never even pleasured myself in front of him. What do you think – am I oversexed or sexually confused?
Coleen says
Well, I don’t think you are either of those things and you don’t need to find a label to put on yourself.
I think lots of straight women do get turned on by watching other women – it’s like fantasising about yourself.
I also think you’re making too much of your husband’s reaction, which I don’t think was bad.
Yes, he was surprised because he didn’t know about that part of you because you’ve kept it hidden.
And I don’t think he was laughing at you or making fun of you, but he might have been using humour to bring it up in a light-hearted way or was just like, “Whoa, I never knew this about you!”
He might even be turned on by the idea himself. So, I think you’re probably worrying too much and overthinking it, but if his reaction embarrassed you and you don’t know how to handle it, then be honest with him about that.
Alternatively, own it and brazen it out by saying something like: “Yes, it really does turn me on actually”.
But don’t feel ashamed and start questioning who you are as a person.
It might end up being something you watch together, who knows?
