Dear Coleen
I’m in my 30s and have been with my wife for eight years. We’ve had two kids in that time and family life is good.
She’s my best friend and I love her, but the problem is, she hardly ever wants to have sex.
I have a high sex drive and she doesn’t, so it’s always on her terms and when she wants to do it. More often than not she doesn’t want to because she’s tired, or she blames the kids.
Everything else in our relationship is good, but I don’t think we’ll last long term if this can’t be worked out.
Can you offer any advice?
What advice would you give to this reader? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
I think you need to have a proper conversation about it away from the bedroom and explain how you feel – that it’s not just about sex itself, but feeling close and intimate and protecting the bond you have as a couple.
Once sex becomes an issue it becomes very unsexy, and if she’s feeling pressured and that you don’t understand her, then she’ll start to resent you.
Try taking the focus off sex and think about making her feel attractive, desired and cherished. She needs to feel that you want to make love to her because you love her and want her, and it’s not just pure sex.
If you’re together for the long haul, most people’s sex lives have peaks and troughs, depending on what else is going on in life.
And when you hit a trough, you have to talk honestly and listen to your partner, and find a way to work through it together.
Good luck.
