I am a 53-year-old woman who divorced five years ago, after a 27-year relationship. It was a difficult marriage and I experienced coercive control and abusive behaviour at times. Three years ago I met a lovely man and we fell in love. He suffers with depression and anxiety, as well as chronic fatigue syndrome, but the first two years we were together, they didn’t impinge massively on our relationship. This past year has been much harder. He has been physically in a much worse place and his mental health has been more of a problem. He feels unworthy of me and worries that he should push me away so I can find someone better. I find these dark and toxic thoughts upsetting and cannot bear to see him suffer. By the same token, I fear that the relationship will always be problematic because of my partner’s problems and I worry about my future life with him. He has tried every antidepressant out there and nothing seems to work. Should I put myself first and quit now, even though that would feel like my heart was being ripped out? Or stay with him and hope that a cure for depression will be found in our lifetime, and preferably before we’re too old to really enjoy it?
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