Dear Coleen, About 10 years ago, I dated a guy for a few months, but decided he wasn’t ‘the one’ and ended the relationship. We were pretty young at the time and I don’t think either of us was ready to be tied down to something serious.
Fast-forward to now and I’ve been married for five years and have a son with my husband. Our marriage is good and I love him – he’s a great guy. However, every time I see my ex out and about in town I find myself so attracted to him.
I know I’m not in love with him, but there’s a really strong physical attraction and I think he feels it, too, because he’s really flirty. Let’s put it this way, if I ever suggested we hooked up (which I wouldn’t), I doubt he’d think twice about it.
I feel so guilty about these feelings and I’m not sure what it means for my marriage. I’m attracted to my husband, too, and sex is good, but I do think about my ex in a sexual way a lot. He’s not the type of person I’d want to make a life with – far too cocky and in love with himself – but he is fit.
Please put my mind at rest!
Coleen says
Don’t feel guilty. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re dead inside! We all look at other people and find them attractive and, as long as you don’t go anywhere further with it, that’s perfectly OK.
You know you still love and fancy your husband, but I think this ex takes you back to that age when everything was a thrill and you had no responsibilities.
I saw my first love at my birthday and, although I didn’t fancy him or want to have a relationship with him, it was very nostalgic and I remembered how in love with him I was at the time, which was quite exciting.
What is your view? Have your say in the comments section
Maybe now is the time to focus more on your husband and try to put a little bit of romance back into the marriage. When you become a couple you have to put more effort into that, but people forget to recreate those amazing moments they had when they were first dating.
It’s easy to become lazy when it comes to love because our lives are busy and stressful – we’d often rather eat our dinner in our pyjamas in front of the telly. So use your imagination and sex things up a bit!
