While some may argue that we’re moving away from the idea of a nuclear family, the concept of ‘lavender marriages’ proves one thing: people really can have their cake and eat it too. For the uninitiated, a lavender marriage refers to a heterosexual person being married to a non-heterosexual person.
The dynamics of the partnership are usually platonic, but as TikToker Kaycee Cutts (@kayceecutts) shows, these kinds of partnerships can still be incredibly fulfilling. In three videos, which have amassed over a million cumulative views, Cuts gave viewers an insight into her married life.
“OK, what I’m about to say is gonna blow some of y’all’s minds, but I’m just gonna tell you anyway,” Cutts began in the first video. “I am actually married to a gay man. You heard that, right? I know, I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out.”
She explained how they do “everything together,” from raising kids together, running companies together, and traveling together. She added that there is no “relationship bull[expletive].”
“I mean, sure, we have our moments where we get on each other’s nerves, but like, for the most part, things are pretty freaking chill,” she shared.
She went on to add that she considers lavender marriages as “genius.”
“I mean, I don’t know what he really gains from helping me raise these kids that are not his, but he’s here, showing up, and he’s doing it,” she said. “We have to find the right gay man. But single moms out there, single girlies, forget a straight man. Girl, find you a gay man to do life with you. It really doesn’t get any better than this.”
@kayceecutts I said what I said ? #gaymendoitbetter #lavendermarriage #viral #fyp #foryoupage #momsoftiktok ♬ Just A Girl – No Doubt
How did they meet?
In the second video, which was done in collaboration with her husband, Cutts revealed that they met through her ex-boyfriend, with Brandon, her husband, being the ex’s business partner. Cutts added that she and Brandon went through “trauma” with the ex-boyfriend, which ultimately bonded them. However, the TikToker said she had always known Brandon was gay, and that their relationship was not at any point non-platonic.
“My children absolutely love this man,” she added. “They like him more than they like me. He’s the cool one.”
She then went on to add that she and Brandon have a 13-year age gap: while she is 37, he’s 24.
@kayceecutts Replying to @kaylakopack1 PART 1 don’t EVER ask us to do story time again bc CANNOT. @Brandon Lee #hotmess #lavendermarriage #shitshow #fyp #viral ♬ original sound – Kaycee Cutts
Do they see other people?
Then, in the third video, Cutts clarified that they “obviously” see other people. “Yes, we see other people,” she said. “No, we do not sleep in the same bed. We have separate bedrooms.”
“I will say that Brandon spoils me more than any man has ever spoiled me before,” she added. “That is true,” he replied. “She’s got real hardwood floors.”
Returning to the original topic, Cutts reiterated: “We definitely see other people. I guess you would consider this an open relationship, but that would be kind of weird, because we do not have sexual relations with each other, so technically, I guess it’s not really open, because he’s closed over there, and I’m closed over here.”
@kayceecutts Replying to @Linds #lavendermarriage #shitshow #fyp #viral #viraltiktok #foryoupage @Brandon Lee ♬ Monkeyshine-JP – Lt FitzGibbons Men
Some commenters were envious
Despite the unconventional lifestyle choice, the majority of commenters were very enthusiastic about the concept of a lavender marriage.
“Why is there not a lavender marriage dating app?” one asked. “I want to be in a lavender marriage,” another added. Similarly, a third admitted, “I wish I could find a relationship like yours! I want a family and I’m gay.”
Elsewhere, a fourth commenter shared their personal experience with the subject matter. “I’ve been in a lavender marriage for nearly 20 years!” they shared. “We live together and raise my son together and travel together and everything lol we just have fun! All the help and friendship with none of the BS. In 20 years we’ve only ever had 2 disagreements and I think they were both at airports haha.”
Others were suspicious
However, not all comments were positive—so much so that Cutts made a couple of video responses to the most egregious ones. In response to one comment, which accuses Cutts of using Brandon for money, the TikToker said, “I don’t need a gay man, a straight man, or any man to pay my bills.” She then went on to add that they have separate bank accounts and split groceries evenly.
In a further response, Cutts retaliated against a commenter, Candie, who said she and Brandon “need Jesus” and that they will “burn in the firey pits of hell” unless they seek redemption.
“I can’t imagine going on the internet, and telling a perfect stranger that they’re going to burn in the fiery pits of hell if we don’t reach out,” she said. “I think Candie, if you want to lead people to Christ, rethink how you’re witnessing to people. “
Cutts didn’t immediately respond to The Mary Sue’s request for comment via TikTok comment and Instagram direct message.
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