Parenting children of any age can be tough at times, but as your kids approach their teenage years, it can be especially difficult to navigate teaching them about taking responsibility for their actions while also wanting to save them from their mistakes.
And one mum on Reddit has learned the hard way that you can’t always come out on top after she gave her daughter the freedom to choose her own outfit – but was then blamed for allowing her to dress “like a clown”.
The mum, who is from the US, explained her 12-year-old daughter wanted to go to school in an “objectively hideous outfit” and although she suggested she go and change, her daughter insisted she could “handle her own business”.
She said: “This morning my daughter dressed for school in an objectively hideous outfit – clashing patterns and colours, she legitimately looked like a clown.
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“Usually, I don’t say anything about her choice of clothing unless her skirt is too short or whatever, but this outfit looked so bad that I suggested she should change into something different or else she was going to get teased.
“My daughter said, and I quote, ‘I’m a big girl, I can handle my own business.’ I didn’t appreciate the attitude, but I didn’t think it was worth an argument, so I let her go to school without changing.”
When her daughter returned home, she was in a “bad mood” and admitted she had been teased for what she was wearing – and blamed her mum for not doing more to make her get changed.
The woman added: “She got home tonight and was in an obviously bad mood and was wearing a different jumper that I think she borrowed from a friend.
“I asked her if anyone made fun of how she was dressed and she told me, ‘Yeah, everyone was really mean. My friend said I looked like an idiot, and everyone kept making fun of me.’
“I said I was sorry, and she replied, ‘You should be sorry, it’s half your fault! Why didn’t you make me change?’
“I said, ‘Because I thought you could handle your own business, remember?’ and she stormed off to her room and slammed the door and hasn’t talked to me since.”
The mum said she was worried she was wrong for letting her daughter wear the clashing outfit and feels “guilty” for allowing the youngster to get teased.
She said: “She is still a kid, and I absolutely knew when I saw her clothing that she was going to get laughed at by her peers.
“My husband thinks the whole thing is really funny and is telling me not to worry about it, but I’m feeling a little guilty because it sounds like a lot of people made fun of our daughter.”
Commenters on the Reddit post were quick to reassure the mum that she did the right thing – and said her daughter has learned an important lesson in responsibility and consequences.
One person wrote: “This was a pretty good lesson for her to learn natural consequences. And actually, if you had forced her to change, you would have taught her the lesson that her autonomy isn’t important. So, I actually think you did a really great job!”
While another added: “I would argue that once she's cooled down a bit, the daughter would benefit from a discussion, part of which is not blaming others for her choices and how mom has to let her grow up and learn.”
What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.
