It’s hard to be on the receiving end of a Ucas bombshell. Having studied for years to achieve the correct grades and done the right thing by visiting several universities and revising hard since Christmas, my son was looking forward to telling friends and family of his success.
Then, with the opening of an envelope, his expectations were crushed. On results day, as I sat waiting in the car, he exited the school, his face a shade of grey. It was obvious all was not well. Instead of elation it turned into a day of shock and disappointment. Not achieving the grades expected also led him to miss out on his first choice of university.
Try as I might, there was very little I could say to provide any solace. Searching to find the positive when dreams have been dashed takes some doing.
After the initial shock, my son went through Clearing and was accepted onto a new university course. He became preoccupied with working out the logistics of his new destination, what would be happening during freshers’ week, and ensuring he knew how to make scrambled eggs once he got there.
His whole wardrobe appeared on the landing, alongside a variety of new cooking implements. That any of it will see the light of day, I very much doubt.
Angela Milln, director of student recruitment, access and admissions at the University of Bristol, believes a sudden change of university destination can have a positive impact, as students become more resourceful and adaptable.
She says : “A last-minute change of direction can be disconcerting – but don’t forget that what really brings your student experience alive is the friends you make. Wherever you are now going, there will be other equally anxious new students, who are just as keen as you to form new friendships.
“Student residences are great places for making friends. Get this right and you will probably look back on your unexpected change as the best thing that ever happened to you.”
Universities are very well-versed in how to handle the new intake of students, and have a full list of welcome parties and other social events at the ready. There’s enough to keep everybody busy – from die-hard partygoers to scholarly students.
On the morning of the first day of university my son was very quiet, perhaps feeling a little overwhelmed at the prospect of the journey ahead. But as soon as we arrived, his mood lifted. It was quickly apparent that everybody was in the same boat, whether they were at their first-choice university or not. As far as the eye could see there were anxious parents pulling overflowing suitcases and being led around in circles by students gripping laptops.
Mel Fowler, director of marketing and communications at De Montfort University, stresses the vital role parents play when students start their first term, as they can provide a level head at a time of anxiety. “It’s unusual for students to travel to university without their parents or supporters. Students have so many things to think about. Parents can get all the facts and figures at what can be an emotional time.”
How they made their university choices soon fades into insignificance, and once students settle, theymostly come to love the university they are at. Nicola Fletcher, from Windsor, graduated last year and remembers only too well what it was like to discover her grades weren’t good enough for either her first, or insurance option. “Instead of AAB I ended up with BBC. That day was horrible, but I ended up at De Montfort and was lucky that it turned out to be great.”
Thomas Knight, from Northamptonshire, says that he has no lasting disappointment about being rejected by his first choice university because his marks weren’t good enough. He achieved a first class honours degree from the University of Nottingham and is now about to start a master’s there. “At first I was shocked and upset. But looking back I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Ultimately, what you realise as a parent is that provided your son or daughter is on a course they like, most other problems diminish in significance. Certainly my own son is excited for the year ahead.
Keep up with the latest on Guardian Students: follow us on Twitter at @GdnStudents – and become a member to receive exclusive benefits and our weekly newsletter.
