Dear Coleen
My girlfriend and I are both 28, we live together and have a good network of friends who we see a lot. We’ve been together for three years and have always had a good relationship – I fancy her like mad and we have a lot of fun together.
I’d say she was more confident than I am and certainly had more relationship and dating experience when we got together, which brings me on to my problem.
We went out a couple of weekends ago with some of her old friends from uni,who I know pretty well and get along with.
We got quite high and were having a good time, and then my girlfriend suggested that us and another two couples took things into the bedroom.
We’ve never done anything like that before as a couple and I was quite shocked, but also quite drunk, so I went along with it. My guess is, she has done this with her mates in the past before we got together.
I hated the whole experience and especially seeing my girlfriend with other people. I haven’t been able to get the images out of my head and I feel insanely jealous, but also just really sad and upset. I think she’s surprised by my reaction and is worried, but I don’t know if I can continue the relationship. It’s ruined everything.
Please help.
Coleen says
OK, wait a minute. You went along with it at the time, so I don’t think you can blame your girlfriend for that – you could have said no.
However, you didn’t enjoy it, it made you feel terrible and you don’t want to do it again, and that’s OK. And I don’t think you can just assume that your girlfriend has done this loads of times in the past.
But people do experiment, especially when they’re younger and at uni. Maybe she enjoyed it then and was intrigued to try it again.
You’ve realised it’s not for you, so you have to be honest with your girlfriend about that and how it made you feel: insecure and jealous. If she wants to do this kind of thing again, then tell her you’re not interested in that kind of relationship – it’s just not for you.
But try to avoid a knee-jerk reaction in terms of ending your relationship. What happened is still fresh in your mind, so give it some time.
Obviously, if she is keen to pursue sex with other couples, then you will have to question your compatibility.
