A few weeks after I had my daughter Mia, I remember coming downstairs wearing big knickers and a nappy pad. I had breast pads in because I was leaking milk, I hadn’t shaved and I stood in front of my partner, Gorka, and, laughing, said: “Look at me ... I used to be in FHM’s 100 sexiest women!”
Despite what people might think, I’ve never really felt sexy. I’ve always enjoyed training and I like feeling physically strong, but when I got pregnant all I could think about was how to keep this little baby safe inside me for the next nine months. My appearance was the last thing on my mind.
Gorka (Márquez, a professional dancer who appears on Strictly Come Dancing) has always been very loving and reassuring – even more so when I was pregnant. As my body changed and my bottom and boobs got bigger, he would say: “Now there’s more of you to love! More jelly, more love.” He’s definitely the romantic in our relationship – to the point where sometimes I have to say: “Calm down, we’re not in a romcom!”
Mia’s birth was quite traumatic. After a difficult labour in which her heart rate kept dropping, she was delivered by emergency caesarean, and afterwards I suffered a haemorrhage. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later that I actually looked at my body. The health visitor had been round during the day to check that I was healing properly and I was still very bruised and swollen. That evening, I took my nightie off and stood in front of the mirror for the first time. It was quite upsetting – the scar looked awful and my tummy was a complete mess. But more than that, I felt overwhelmed by the thought of what could have happened had they not rushed to get Mia out.
I wasn’t in a hurry to get back to training. I started with gentle walks when Mia was nine weeks old, but even those often left me feeling exhausted. I remember trying to walk home from the supermarket with bottles of water under the buggy and I ended up in tears, ringing my mum because I couldn’t make it home. That made me realise that I really had to let my body heal in its own time.
Before I started exercising, I went for a “Mummy MOT” appointment, where a physiotherapist assessed my posture, pelvic floor and abdominals. I’d done pelvic floor exercises from the moment I found out I was pregnant – I worked on my core and trunk and made sure I was strengthening my muscles. I knew the importance of my pelvic floor, thanks to my friends who’d had babies, and from stuff I’d read about pregnancy – everyone told me I should start early with the exercises. But it was still a relief when the physiotherapist told me that my pelvic floor was in good shape. She told me about women who came to her with incontinence later in life and had no idea it was linked to what happened to their pelvic floor during pregnancy.
Once I had the all-clear, it was great to get back to training, even though my J-Lo bottom sadly disappeared. It was also important for helping me feel like myself again.
While I loved the newborn phase with Mia, sometimes it felt like I’d never feel “normal” again. Stuck in the house, walking around slowly like a T rex, I couldn’t imagine going out for brunch with the girls or even going to get a blow-dry. But gradually life did return to normal and I’d love to tell other new mums who are feeling the same not to worry so much because you’ll soon be out of that newborn bubble.
Having a baby is really humbling because it makes you realise that little things don’t matter. All I care about now is my family. I can see why babies put a strain on your relationship – you’re doing everything on no sleep, sore boobs and all your focus is on keeping this little human alive. That’s why Gorka and I actively try to make time for one another. If I ever feel overwhelmed, he steps in. And if I ever have a wobble about the way I look, he won’t hear of it. He says: “You gave me a daughter. The last thing I’m bothered about is a few stretch marks.”
As incontinence can affect women before and after pregnancy, we should all be having more open conversations about this everyday condition. Find out more about pelvic floor training at tena.co.uk/ageless
