Dear Coleen
I’m a woman in my 20s and I accidentally slept with a female colleague recently. We were at a hotel for a small “keeping in touch” meeting with three other colleagues and we stayed the night.
Inevitably, we spent the evening in the bar and got quite drunk, and I ended up staying in this woman’s room and having sex with her.
I’m straight and so is she – she has a boyfriend, while I’m single.
I’ve never done anything like this before and don’t know whether the effects of lockdown made me go slightly crazy or there’s actually something between us.
She’s been in touch since, saying she loved the evening we spent together and would like to do it again, but I’m not sure. It would be like saying I was gay and wanted a relationship with her, which I’m pretty sure I don’t. I’ve never had a lesbian relationship before or even been with another woman.
I’m feeling confused and what’s also an issue is that this colleague is more senior than me and I sometimes have to work on things for her.
I’m driving myself mad, worrying about the situation I’ve got myself into.
Can you help?
Coleen says
Look, it’s OK to put this down to a wild drunken evening and possibly getting carried away by a glimpse of normal life after everything we’ve been through. You don’t have to overthink it.
But, whatever’s behind it, you don’t have to make any rash decisions and I don’t think you should torture yourself worrying about it.
If you decide it was a one-night-only thing, all you have to say to this woman is that you had a really nice evening, too, but you don’t want to take it any further.
It shouldn’t complicate things at work if you both stay professional. I think it would be more complicated if you ended up in a relationship and then things went sour.
However, if you feel it does start becoming an issue, then you do need to sit down with her and talk about how you move forward positively, so it doesn’t affect your working relationship.
You’re not the first person to get yourself into an awkward or embarrassing situation with a workmate and you definitely won’t be the last, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.
Fortunately, while we’re all WFH a lot, you probably won’t have to see her often, which will give you both the time and space to move on.
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