I really fancy someone at work. We’re in different teams, so it’s not technically against the rules, but would it be terrible for my career if I made a move? I’m quite junior and worried that people will judge me for it.
First, let’s erase this ghastly idea of judgment: who cares what people think of you? If you can master that one question, you are on your way to a life of bliss. Forget about whether it’s terrible for your career, either. Instead ask: is it right for you?
Let’s consider the object of your affections. People At Work are a weird thing. You’re there for most of your adult life, spending more time with colleagues than you do with family and friends. It’s a heightened environment where we show one facet of ourselves: the most high-achieving, productive, well-dressed kind. Now add the tensions of working with many similarly tribal people and the bond you get from working on a common project.
In summary, work is a theatre, and if you’re looking for a long-term partner, I don’t believe simply “fancying them” makes a basis for a relationship. What do you know – truly know – about them? Can you trust them? Can you rely on them?
Explore all these things before you dive in. Too often, we jump into relationships following our carnal desires and are then disappointed when the person doesn’t match the fantasy in our heads. If you just want a snog at the Christmas party, accept that you’ll probably be the subject of much gossip. Also, it will be super-awkward when you bump into each other in the lift.
Take your time and get to know them. If it’s real, it’s real, colleague or not. Plenty of partnerships have evolved from people meeting at work. Similarly, many a career has been ruined by relationships formed in the office.
• Send your questions for Sharmadean to bossing.it@theguardian.com
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