Dear Coleen
My husband and I have been together for 12 years and have two young children. Things have been rocky at times over the years and we’ve split up a couple of times.
While I’ve used these “breaks” to regroup and figure things out, my husband has seen other women. It’s pathetic – it’s as if he can’t be on his own at all for any length of time.
I can’t really make an issue out of these relationships as technically we weren’t together, but the last time we broke up the woman he slept with was someone I know quite well.
She’s the sister of a good friend and our kids know each other. She’s dating someone and apparently is happy, so I don’t think she’d be interested in starting anything again with my husband, but the fact she’s so close to home really gets to me.
I do a good job of avoiding her, but our kids have been invited to a big end-of-term party at someone’s house and my daughter really wants to go.
The thought of being in a room with this woman rakes up bad memories for me but, at the same time, I don’t want to spend my life hiding from her.
What’s your opinion?
What advice would you give to this reader? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
I think it’s about more than raking up memories, I think these relationships, particularly the one your husband had with your friend’s sister, have really hurt you and damaged your self-esteem.
Of course, you don’t want to have to face this woman and why should you?
If you don’t go to this party, it’s not chickening out or being weak or scared, it’s simply about protecting yourself. If your kids don’t go to this party, they’ll get over it. Or, why not ask a friend or your husband to take them?
Don’t put yourself in a situation that you don’t want to be in.
It’s OK to say no and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. It’s not hiding.
You don’t say what state your marriage is in at the moment, but you can’t be constantly worried that every time you hit a bump in the road, your husband is going to run off and sleep with someone else.
If you haven’t properly addressed these issues then I think couples’ counselling would be a good idea.
You need to feel in control of your life and to feel you’re being seen and heard in your marriage.
