Dear Coleen
A few months ago, my long-term relationship ended after I discovered my boyfriend was cheating.
Maybe I was naive, but in the eight years we were together, I never once thought he’d ever betray me like this. He is not that kind of guy and we had a good relationship. We’d even talked about marriage and starting a family together.
So, when it happened, I couldn’t get my head around it.
Although I’m not proud of it now, I begged him to stay with me.
However, once I knew about the affair, he was obviously relieved because it meant he could go off and be with his other woman.
Even after he moved out of our flat, I called him in floods of tears and then sent him hundreds of messages.
But he’d been seeing this girl for a while – a friend of his sister – and even brought her to our home when I was away for a week with work. I know this as my neighbour downstairs told me.
Fortunately, I’m feeling a lot better now and I’ve also met a nice guy, who seems caring and genuine. My problem is, the closer we get, the more I feel an urge to bolt.
How can I trust again after having my heart shattered?
Coleen says
You’ve been really hurt, but you’ve also learned some lessons that’ll help you. Take confidence from the fact you have moved on, you’ve survived this horrible heartbreak and you’ll be stronger as a result.
I think you will put up with less and you’ll be better equipped to see the red flags.
Naturally, you’re wary of getting hurt again but, the reality is things might not work out with this guy or he might let you down. None of us knows how a relationship will play out when we start seeing someone.
The difference now is that you know you can pick yourself up again.
But let’s be positive for a moment. Your new man isn’t your ex and I think if you can stick with it and allow yourself to get to know him better, then trust will grow. It takes time.
Also, try not to think too far ahead – just focus on enjoying yourself and not having too many expectations. You deserve to have some fun.
Communication is important, too. Be honest with your new man about how the last relationship left you feeling, but don’t let it overshadow what you have now.
Learn from the past, but live for now. Good luck.
