Dear Coleen
I wrote to you a few years ago about my turmoil over being in the closet. I’m a 59-year-old man who cross-dresses and hide that I’m gay from my wife.
My marriage has been a sham from day one, as I like to have sex with men, while dressed as a woman. It all began at 14 when an uncle caught me in my mother’s clothes and took my virginity, and I enjoyed it.
I’ve turned to drink and religion in the past, but I’m still conflicted.
I was in love with a male colleague who moved away with his wife and kids before I could tell him how I felt. We’re still good friends and he’s now left his wife and is moving back. Should I admit how I feel in the hope he feels the same?
What advice would you give? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
The first thing to do is talk to your wife about your sexuality. Your prime concern should be that relationship. You can’t keep living a lie – it’s causing you a lot of pain and it’s not fair on her.
Those feelings of conflict won’t go until you can be honest with her. Starting a new relationship while still with your wife will only make things more complicated.
You have to be prepared that your friend won’t be interested in a sexual relationship. Has he ever given you any indication he’s interested in sex with men or a romantic relationship with you? Leaving his wife is not a sign.
You’d benefit from counselling to help you work through your feelings of turmoil and confusion going back to what happened with your uncle. You were a child and what happened was abuse.
It’s hard to confront, but it could help you get to a healthier place where you’re ready for another relationship in your life.
