It’s a truth universally acknowledged that the man pays on the first date: feminism or no feminism.
Consequently, TikTok user Sarah Schoemaker (@sarahschoemaker) didn’t know how to react to her date’s unusual request.
“So I just got home from a date where, I mean, it went OK, it was, it was whatever,” she began. “But he bought my dinner, he walked me to my car, and we’re standing there, and I said, ‘Thank you so much for dinner.’ And he said, ‘Yeah, I wasn’t sure how that was going to go. It was all in one check, so I just paid.’ And I was like, ‘Well, were you wanting me to pay for my half?’ And he’s like, ‘Yeah, that’d be great, actually. ‘ And [he] sent me his Cash App as we stood there, and then asked if I would like to go out again tomorrow.”
“Absolutely not, sir,” she concluded.
At the time of writing, the clip has 370,300 views. And in the comments, a fierce debate was taking place.
The TikTok sparked discourse
On the one hand, many TikTok users believed that Schoemaker’s date did nothing wrong. “You demanded equality, you got it,” one wrote.
“You all seem to forget you said…. ‘I don’t need a man,'” another added, “Remember?”
While a third asked: “How many times have you offered to pay on a first date? Why’s it always the man’s problem?”
A fourth commenter seemed unsure, writing, “Idk man. Women wanted to be treated as equals for a long time now. I wouldn’t keep buying meals and drinks for someone just because they’re female.”
However, plenty of commentators were firmly in Schoemaker’s camp.
“A real man would have paid happily,” one argued. While a second joked, “I sure hope you didn’t send him anything, block him soon as you get in your car and lock it.”
“At that point, go out with yourself or your girlfriends,” a third added, while a fourth asked the obvious question: “Where do you ladies find these men?”
@sarahschoemaker #datingover30 #over30 #millennial ♬ original sound – sarahschoemaker
Experts weigh in
But the question is, who was right? The TikToker or her date? According to dating experts, Schoemaker was on the right lines.
“The man should pay for the first date,” Blaine Anderson, a dating coach, told CNBC. Speaking to the same outlet, fellow dating coach Erika Ettin agreed. “I recommend my male clients pay and my female clients offer.”
She added that men should decline this offer unless the woman insists on it. According to her, the rules “shouldn’t be that complicated.”
Schoemaker didn’t immediately respond to The Mary Sue’s request for comment via TikTok comment.
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