I am only able to reach orgasm using a vibrator on my clitoris. I have encouraged my husband to get involved, but he never seems overly happy that he cannot directly bring me to orgasm. Is it worth trying something more radical, such as hypnotherapy, or is it best to accept that for now I need the intense physical stimulation?
I want to congratulate you on getting to know your body so well, and on creatively finding solutions in order to get your particular stimulatory needs met. There are many women who have never managed to orgasm at all, and many who have never discovered the truths about their own sexual responses. Some simply live in hope that one day, some lover will figure it out for them (“Some day my prince will make me come!”).
Vibrators are too intense for many women, but you either need that intensity to fully stimulate your genital nerve endings, or have become habituated to it. Either way, it would be best to relax and accept that it is simply your style of reaching orgasm. I hope you can help your husband to recognise how lucky he is to be married to a woman who has cleverly and proactively sought her own pleasure, despite a high orgasmic threshold. And frankly, without your self-helping ability, he would be far more challenged.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).
